Tag Archives: BDSM

Dominicanatrix: Puerto Ricans Are Submissive to Dominican Whipping

A smiling Robinson Cano extends his arms and starts tilting his body to the left until he falls over, to a standing ovation from the crowd.

An exuberant Robinson Cano extends his arms and starts tilting his body until he falls over, to a standing ovation from the crowd.

Final Score: Dominican Republic 4, Puerto Rico 2

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Unwanted immigration from the Dominican Republic to Puerto Rico

——–

They just keep coming. Dominicans, pouring across home plate, pouring across the Mona Passage. No pitching, defense, or U.S. coast guard can stop them. What’s a poor Puerto Rican (Poorto Rican?) to do?

It’s not Puerto Rico’s fault that the Dominican Republic has a terrible economy and a great offense. It’s not their fault that the Dominican Republic is right next to the even worse country of Haiti and has Robinson Cano on their team to hit beautiful, beautiful home runs.

It is a little bit their fault that their starting pitcher was Orlando Roman, who has never and will never succeed in a baseball league anyone cares about. It is also a little bit their fault that they haven’t bothered to become a U.S. state so the U.S. government doesn’t care all that much how many illegal Dominicans show up on the island. But on the whole, Puerto Rico is the victim here, of the Dominican Republic’s merciless immigrants and amazing-baseball-player-producing factories.

I wish there was some way to help them, but I’m afraid it’s too late for Puerto Rico. Their normal jobs will all be taken by Dominicans, and they won’t even be able to get jobs as professional baseball players because the Dominicans will have taken all those jobs too. They are doomed to lead depressing lives of sitting on the beach doing nothing in a tropical paradise.

Tragic.

Tagged , , , , ,

I Don’t Like it Ruf: Nats Forget Safe Word as Phillies Dominate

Come Thanksgiving, John Mayberry Jr. may begin to regret getting labeled in this picture. (AP Photo/Matt Slocum)

Final Score: Phillies 6, Nationals 3

Dame of the Game: 

Kurt Suzuki: 3-4, R, RBI. Never change, Kurt Suzuki.

Actually come to think of it, you could stand to be a little better at baseball generally. So feel free to do that.

Shame of the Game:

Ross Detwiler: 5 IP, 5 ER, 5 H, 3 BB, 3 K. Presumably taking his cue from Herman Cain’s famous 9-9-9 tax plan, Detwiler tried out a 5-5-5 plan in this start. If the results of that plan are any indication, it is perhaps a good thing that Herman Cain will not be the next president of the United States. That’s the first good reason I’ve heard for why Cain should not be the leader of the free world, though.

——–

Ugh. I’m getting kind of tired of the Phillies and their phanaticshit, I have to say. I mean what benefit did they get from winning this game? They are not going to make the playoffs. The Nationals are going to make the playoffs. They can’t even take any perverse satisfaction from being a spoiler like some kind of Ralph Nader. The respective fates of the Phillips and Nats regular seasons are, for all practical (if not mathematical) purposes, set in stone. Not even a stone that’s easy to erode like limestone, but like…real quality stone. Bedrock, even.

So why’d they do it, then? Why’d they bother? I guess the players might want to succeed individually so they can get better contracts in the offseason, but who cares about money? Whenever has that been an incentive for anyone to do anything? Okay, maybe a couple times. But still. Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Nats Prefer Hand to Johnson in Evening Coupling

Carlos Lee takes a break from the action to read this month’s Cosmo. (Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Final Scores: Nationals 7, Marlins 4; Marlins 5, Nationals 2

Dame of the Games:

Adam LaRoche: 3-8, HR, 3 RBI, 2 R, BB, K. By which I really mean “Dame of the First Game,” since he went 0-4 in the second, but I checked the “Doubleheader” section of the ponderous Dame and Shame of the Game Rulebook I have sitting next to my computer at all times and I don’t think I’m allowed to hand out that award.

Shames of the Games:

The catchers (Jesus Flores and Sandy Leon): 0-7, 4 K, 7 LOB. Psssst. Hey, Kurt Suzuki! Yeah, you. The worst hitter in the AL. C’mon over here. See if you can’t…do better than these guys.

——–

For the second straight doubleheader, John Lannan won one game and the Nats lost the other. That’s counter-intuitive in the same way that it would be counter-intuitive if the force of gravity changed into a force that just made people perpetually collide at high speeds with the nearest other person to them. I’d rather have the Lannan thing happen than that though, I guess.

It was, on the whole, a rather unsatisfactory day for the Nats, whose split was marred by an accompanying Braves loss and an NL East lead that can now be counted on two fingers, or even two hands if you don’t know how to count with your fingers. Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,