Tag Archives: beer

Nats Lose 4 in Rule 5

Image

That’s the number.

The Rule 5 Draft took place today. It’s a draft that often means very little, but sometimes we see a team come across an unknown gem of a player. It produces a lot more gems than the Rule 34 Draft however. Some of that stuff is just too weird to be comfortable with.

This year the Nationals didn’t pick any players, but lost 4 of their own to other teams. Danny Rosenbaum went to the Rockies, Jeff Kobernus to the Tigers, Jack McGeary to Boston, and Hector Nelo to the Dodgers.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

NatsLive Large: Dierks Bentley Concert Overshadowed by Something of Quality

Image

Sadness overwhelms Kristina Akra. She just can’t stand people being so wasteful with food and drinks. (Photo by Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 10, Brewers 4.

Dame of the Game:

Gio Gonzalez: Win, 7 IP, 3 H, 1 BB, 3 R (0 ER), 5 K. Speedy Gonzalez got to 20 wins faster than any pitcher in the bigs this season. We should start calling the stadium the “Mouse’s House” to honor that nickname and his accomplishment. It’d be a better nickname than calling it the “Rape Victim” after every time Sean Burnett pitches.

Shame of the Game:

Livan Hernandez: .2 IP, 5 H, 1 BB, 6 ER. Livan has fallen on hard times. Meaning that hard times was probably flattened.

———-

With the Nationals former single season wins leader in the house (well sort of, we had trouble fitting Livan through the door entirely), Gio further distanced himself from that old record by getting his 20th win on Saturday. This is a huge accomplishment. I mean 20 wins for an individual, or a team if you’re from Houston, is amazing. I hope he can get to 21 by the end of the season, and celebrate by recklessly drinking at bars. And then maybe even 22, and celebrate by realizing you don’t get to do anything new at 22 but age. Gio has been an amazing pickup for the Nats, and has given them some special moments in his time here. Hopefully he can bring them one last special moment, the one that really matters. You know what I’m talking about. Winning that big prestigious award, The Toothy, for best smile in baseball.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Fiersd: Nats Could Find Themselves Unemployed After Poor Performance Review

Hey Jonathan LuCroy, you can’t make snow angels if there isn’t any snow. Duh. (Jeffrey Phelps / AP)

Final Score: Brewers 6, Nationals 0

Dame of the Game:

Henry Rodriguez: 1 IP, 0 ER, K. Figured I might as well give this to him in case of the likely event that he never does anything good again.

Shame of the Game:

Ross Detwiler: 4.2 IP, 4 ER, 7 H, 2 BB, 5 K. As Chien-Ming Wang might say if he followed racial-linguistic sterotypes, Detwiler got the “ross.”

——–

They say that revenge is a dish best served cold, but the Brewers didn’t bother to follow that maxim in getting retribution for the Nats 6 run margin of victory Thursday night. Which is ironic, since brewers usually like to serve things cold, namely beer.

I guess that’s not that ironic.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Mile Low Showing: Trip Out West Gets Off To a Rockie Start (LOL)

Image

“Come on Jesus, just lie down and look at the clouds with me!” (Photo by Justin Edmonds/Getty Images)

Final Score: Rockies 4, Nationals 2.

Dame of the Game:

Jesus Flores: 3-4, 2 R, 1 2B. High altitudes clearly work well for Jesus. Either that or playing in a ballpark named after a beer. So there are two things to consider. Either Flores has a similar physical makeup to Kenyan marathon runners and thus excels with less available air, or that he drank so much Coors that the urgent feeling of needing to pee coupled with the drunken mindset that made him forget how to use a bathroom made him play with an increased urgency all game. He sure doesn’t look like a Kenyan marathon runner.

Shame of the Game:

Danny Espinosa: 0-3, 2 HBP. Not only did Danny go hitless today, but he clearly broke some ancient religious law and was sentenced to being stoned. The Rockies didn’t have stones handy, but they just turned up the level in the humidor so the baseballs felt harder.

———-

Tonight, the first game of a 4-game series between the Nats and Rockies, had a story behind it that could be easily made into a movie. In fact…I think I’ll do just that. I’ll call it…

“Rockie.” The story of a rags to riches Nationals team, a team nobody expected to compete with the big guys the way they have. They find a tough opponent in the form of the heavyweight champion Rockies (who are only the champions at weighing a heavy amount because of Giambi’s giant gut). The Nationals have been trained and led by a relic of the past, Davey Johnson, a man who used to be a big deal in probably the 20s or something. Point is, he’s old, and nobody else thought he’d be of much value. But the Nats have proven everyone wrong by making it to this point.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Boston’s Sad Swan (Boat) Song Sweeps Fans Off Feet, Team Off Field

Image

Ian Desmond’s interpretive dance routine caused a 23 minute delay and a decline in attendance. (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Red Sox 3.

Dame of the Game:

Roger Bernadina: 2-4, 1 2B, 1 RBI, 1 SB. Bernadina got the game winning hit, driving in Harper in the top of the 9th with his clutch double. His hit was certainly helped by the hustle of the great, white, Bryce Harper. Shark’s blow felt like a hammer to the head for Red Sox fans, who were already nursing their emotional injuries from failing so far. It was a whale of a loss for Boston, leading to a Nationals sweep. I’m sure the Sox hope they could mako something out of this final game, but they left feeling blue.

Shame of the Game:

Alfredo Aceves: Loss, 1 IP, 1 H, 1 BB, 1 ER, 1 K. For a man named after a pasta dish, Aceves surely doesn’t satisfy the Red Sox fanbase in a similar way. Some would say that’s cause he’s not beer and that’s all people from Boston consume, others would say it’s cause he keeps blowing games and is 0-4 on the season. I guess you could say that Alfredo is a real ace in the hole for the Sox. The butthole! Cause he pitches kind of like shit.

———-

The Boston Tea Party. The ride of Paul Revere. The Nationals mid-June 2012 sweep of the Red Sox. In increasing importance, these three events are some of the most iconic happenings in Boston’s history. Washington came into Boston, despite the many minorities on their team that the people there frown upon, and took all three games. Some will say the only reason the Nationals were so dominant is because the Red Sox senses were dulled by their in-game meals. At this point though, I think soberness and healthy food is more of a shock to their system than the current game plan.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Desmond’s Tutu-Run Home Run Brings Nats Walkoff Win

Image

Scary moment as gravity temporarily disappeared when Desmond tried to touch home. He was successfully weighed down however by the tremendous sense of failure he has yet to shake off. (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Diamondbacks 4.

Dame of the Game:

Ian Desmond: 2-5, 1 R, 2 RBI, 1 2B, Walkoff HR. Have you ever smiled when someone says the name Ian Desmond? Yeah apparently you can. No, I’m not lying. Desmond was the star of the night, and not the type of star that forms a black hole and sucks up everything beautiful surrounding it. He was the type of star that actually contributes positively to the universe. I would suggest not getting too close, much like a real star. Bad things probably happen when you touch him.

Shame of the Game:

J.J. Putz: Loss, Blown Save, .2 IP, 2 H, 2 ER, 2 K. What a Putz. This guy epitomizes what a Putz is. That whole family is sadly full of worthless, stupid people. It’s miraculous that they’ve survived this long. J.J. has done the noble thing though in order to remove this failure of a gene pool from the planet and agreed not to procreate, much like Hitler’s surviving relatives. Yes, these are comparable things.

Five straight losses. Up until tonight the Nats had been reminding us fans of the Nationals of old, losing game after game and crying in the showers. We’re not sure if this is because they lost so much or if it’s since Davey Johnson insists on showering with the team. But with one swing of the bat, something changed for the Nationals. With one swing of the bat, the Nationals experienced something that fans could cheer about. Yes, Jayson Werth got a single at one point.

Oh there was another swing that was a walkoff home run too. That probably changed things more.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Thirty-Third Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals vs. Boston Redd Sox (The Newest Item from the Michael Redd Clothing Line)

Jacoby Ellsbury caught saying "oh" in the sentence, "Oh man, the Nationals are so good."

The end of Spring Training has arrived. Finally, meaningful games with talented players can occur. But part of me still hates to see it go. There’s something therapeutic about watching grown men fight for fame, wealth and happiness, knowing all the while that some have no chance.

The final game of the spring took place in Washington at Nationals Park, and saw the Red Sox beat the Nats 8-7. At least I think that’s what it saw, its vision was a little blurry from all the beer it drank between innings.

The win today slipped through the Nationals’ fingers, probably cause the Red Sox left the baseballs so greasy from all that chicken.

Despite the loss, I’m very excited about the team. Heck, I won’t even think about divorcing myself from this team despite some cancerous players it may have. I’m no John Lackey. Because he did that. He divorced his cancer-stricken wife. Just saying.

Oh he’s so ugly.

Tagged , , , ,