Tag Archives: birds

Nationals Sign Tyler Herron

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He is thrilled to join our organization.

The Nats have brought in Tyler Herron on a minor league contract. Once a first round pick, Herron has put up decent numbers over the course of 7 seasons in the minors and independents. His last name is also one letter away from being the word for a large wading bird. I am unsure of which is the more notable thing about him.

He spent last year with the Fargo-Moorhead Redhawks of the American Association of Independent Baseball. Obviously he couldn’t cut it in such a high-quality league, which is understandable. I mean Barry Bonds, Derek Jeter, Mike Piazza, none of these men found success in the American Association. Tyler simply couldn’t handle it, and now has to settle for playing for Major League organizations once again. Poor Tyler.

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Burn Ett to the Ground: Nats Lead Goes up in Flames, is Cremated

The only explanation I can think of for why this happened is that Teddy Roosevelt’s last words were “if there’s ever a Korean pop song that gets 90 million views on youtube called Gangnam Style, please have a comically oversized version of me reenact its music video during a baseball game.”

Final Score: Cardinals 10, Nationals 9

Dame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-5, HR, 3 RBI, 2 R. It’s supposed to be Adam and Eve, not Adam and Kyle Lohse. Though the latter pairing seems to be working just fine for him.

Shame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann. 3.2 IP, 8 ER, 8 H, BB, 3 K. In lieu of a clever phrase describing how shameful Zimmermann was, here’s a picture of him actually looking ashamed:

Jordan Zimmerman bows his head as he walks off the field to the awkward applause of about three fans who didn’t want him to feel too¬†horrible about his start.

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Jordan Zimmermann’s inability to convince his teammates to give him run support has been well documented by us and everyone else. Well, this is why Jordan Zimmermann can’t have nice things. Despite being given six runs by a combination of some good offense and Matt Holliday’s tragic but hilarious addiction to dropping things, Zimmermann promptly gave all of them back and more before the end of the fourth inning.

It was kinda like if you had a birthday party and everybody brought you really nice gifts, and then when they left you gave them all doggy bags filled with live grenades. Continue reading

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