Tag Archives: Canada

Maple Leafs Ragged: USA Tops Neighbor to North Which is Ironic Because of Geography

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I’m unsure if this is the same animal that the U.S. and Canada fought over, or John Lackey.

Final Score: USA 9, Canada 4.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The Pig War.

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Pigs. No matter if you’re a normal guy just eating them, or if you’re mark Mark Teixeira and they’re throwing at you high and inside, pigs have a great impact on our lives. So great that the United States and Canada thought they should fight a war because of one. Ok, well maybe it was actually a conflict over disputed islands that was set off because of the death of a pig. But I think it’s a lot less embarrassing to say you were fighting over a pig, because bacon tastes delicious and islands do not.

In 1859, a Northwestern American farmer named Lyman Cutlar found a pig in the garden, eating his tubers. If this doesn’t sound like the start of a softcore porn movie, I don’t know what does. So Cutlar killed the pig. Turns out the pig was owned by an Irishman located in Canadian lands just across the border, who was quite upset. Cutlar offered him $10 to replace the pig, the Irishman demanded $100, and the United States and British-controlled Canada went to war. You know, the traditional way things go when a pig is killed.

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Fight and Flight: Teams MEX It Up As Mexico CAN Do Nothing to Avoid Elimination

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Hitman baseball player finds no joy in his job.

Final Score: Canada 10, Mexico 3.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Both countries being made fun of by the United States a lot.

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Canada and Mexico are a lot alike. They have close relations with the United States, and for the purpose of this story I will not waste your time with longer lists and trying to come up with jokes but rather will get straight to the point which is based in the fact that they are both of close proximity with the U.S.A.

Oh, they also both speak funny sounding languages.

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Oh…Canada…: Canadians Are Too Embarrassed to Finish Game

Final Score: Italy 14, Canada 4 (8 innings)

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The Canadian capture of Rome during the Italian campaign of World War II

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To say that “Canadians are known for their martial prowess” is a little like saying “Italians are known for never accepting bribes.” But Canada has done a little fighting in its day. In World War II, for instance, Canadian troops were at the forefront of the Allied assault on the Italian peninsula. It was overall a successful campaign, one that Canadians actually seem to be pretty proud of, in that adorably Canadian way.

Canadians led the attack on Rome, and they suffered disproportionate casualties compared to British and American forces. Now that might have been because German resistance was stronger on the Canadian front, or it might have been because Canadians just sucked at fighting. For the purposes of this metaphor, I’ll assume the latter.

Canada also failed at actually taking Rome. They were supposed to arrive first in the city like conquering heroes, but U.S. general Mark Clark decided to do it instead just to be obnoxious. No glory for Canada, then or ever.

Which brings us to the Canada-Italy WBC game, in which Canada won the opposite of glory: utter shame. They sucked at baseball like they sucked at war. Worse, actually.

Of course, in WWII it was the Italians who got “mercied”–the Italian government had signed an armistice with the Allies long before the Canadians got to Rome, leaving their country to be defended by Nazis.

The moral of the story is that both sides of this game should generally be very embarrassed.

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