Tag Archives: Carlos Gonzalez

Giometry 101: Gio Pitches Circles Around Rockies

Gio Gonzalez’s shadow is a better pitcher than most pitcher’s actual bodies. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Rockies 1

Dame of the Game:

Gio Gonzalez: 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 H, 3 BB, 6 K. Gio’s ability to pitch effectively in extreme heat is surprising only until you remember that he is constantly giving off energy he channels from the earth’s hot magma core.

Shame of the Game:

Rockies Defense: 4 errors. The Rockies defenders just didn’t seem capable of catching, throwing, or spell-checking the two page papers on Giology they were supposed to hand in. Bad grades all around.

——

Hello class. Settle down, settle down.

The Giology Professor is out for the day with some kind of conference or terminal illness, they didn’t tell me which. I’ll be your substitute teacher for the day. My name is Mr. Neptooth. Here, let me write that on the board for you like it’s pronounced:

“Mr. Grrapfth-SHUHHNK-sog”

Say “hi, Mr. Neptooth.” No, that’s not right at all. Let’s just move on.

Now I know this is supposed to be a Giology class, but I don’t know much of anything about Giology. I am, however, an expert in Giometry, a related field, so instead I will give you a Giometry lecture.

I assume you are all familiar with Gio Gonzalez? Good, good. Yes, he is the most important area of study in the scientific and mathematics fields. You already know about his role in the the earth, its evolution, and its rocks. I will now tell you how he participates in the world of shapes. Continue reading

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