Tag Archives: Carlos Lee

Marlins Brand ‘o Baseball: Nats Shot Down by Fish ‘n (Bat) Barrels

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Either special camera effects were used to capture this photo, or Edwin Jackson is actually a set of ghost triplets. And I doubt technology is that good yet. (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)

Final Score: Marlins 5, Nationals 3.

Dame of the Game:

Ryan Zimmerman: 3-3, 2 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Zim made the Marlins GIR in anger. However, Miami had Dibs on this game, and came out Tak-ing on another win while leaving the Nats tasting (Ms.) Bitters.

Shame of the Game:

Edwin Jackson: Loss, 5 IP, 6 H, 2 BB, 4 ER, 1 K. Edwin was wrecked worse than the 1816 ship of the same name. Also similarly to the shipwreck, aborigines took advantage and stole the Nationals postgame meal, and left the players to suffer on their way back to the team bus. Tom Gorzelanny collapsed from exhaustion.

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There was no obvious controversy today like the Harper-Guillen bat issue. Today’s game was a much more boring one than previous ones this series. I mean everything was pretty much expected. Henry Rodriguez had control, Carlos Zambrano pitched a quality start, and the Marlins had 30,000 people in attendance. All things we have come to expect to happen so often! It’s like today was just the perfect encapsulation of everything we have come to know in baseball. Danny Espinosa got 3 hitsĀ again, Carlos Lee was a valuable asset out of the three spot in the lineup, and Heath Bell pitched a scoreless inning. Again, all anticipated. It’s like we didn’t need to watch this game at all. In fact, we probably shouldn’t have, because it was awful.

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Astros Bring Nats Down to Earth: Pitching Sucks, Tom’s a Schmuck

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Having the time of his life.
(Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Final Score: Astros 11, Nationals 4.

Dame of the Game:

Ryan Zimmerman: 1-5, 1 R, 1 HR, 3 RBI. The home run was certainly nice, but to say Ryan was the star having gone 1-5 doesn’t suggest the team was that successful. I couldn’t give this award to an Astro though. I think they have it in their contracts that they can’t play well enough to win an award. What else would explain their team?

Shame of the Game:

Tom Gorzelanny: 2 IP, 8 H, 1 K, 6 ER. Tom Gorzelanny showed us his ugly side today (as he does every day), as his ERA skyrocketed from 0.00 to 7.36. Edwin Jackson was certainly bad, but Gorzelanny gave the Nationals no chance, which is odd since when he goes out clubbing with teammates, their chances increase drastically as the women realize they don’t want to be stuck going home with the Gorzler.

“The Nationals are down 5 runs to the Astros and are coming up to bat for the first time this game.” That’s a sentence that has only been said once before and that was cause a kid was cheating at MLB: The Show. However it was applicable to today’s game, as the Astros somehow managed a 5 run first inning off of Edwin Jackson. The Nationals starting pitching had been more of less manhandling the Astros this series, but I suppose Edwin just wanted to be different. That’s the type of person he is. He listens to emo music, wears all black clothing, and is very rude to his mom. People say it’s just a phase though. Davey Johnson seems to understand though having gone through a period like this as a teen himself. Although he rebelled by voting for McClellan. No emo music was available at the time.

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