Tag Archives: Carlos Maldonado

Nationals Spring Training News


Davey welcomes the players each year with his arm around his imaginary friend Fernald.

As sadness sweeps through Natstown on the wake of the worst signing in franchise history, there is some good news, news about Spring Training. It was announced officially that Nationals pitchers will report on February 12th, and position players on February 15th. I’m excited that it’s less than a month until pitchers report, and devastated that it’s less than a month until Rafael Soriano reports. But at least we can start the healing process and move on from last year’s debacle within a month.

In addition to some of the minor league deals that have been signed in recent weeks, the Nationals announced they will extend Spring Training invites to some other players in their system. Pat McCoy, Tanner Roark, Carlos Maldonado, Matt Skole and Zach Walters will all be at Spring Training. Everyone of these guys must be thrilled to get a shot at showing off their stuff, and also to spend a time in the nice Florida weather. Everyone will probably have a nice tan come the end of March, although its hard to imagine Roark getting any Tanner.

Now if you’ll excuse me, my computer keyboard is fritzing out cause of the many tears of mine that have dropped on it due to today’s earlier signing.

I am so sad.

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Run, Jesus Flores


He’s not taking it well.

In a series of non-tenders, the Nationals have let Jesus Flores go. Jesus, I’d thank you for all you did for this team… but there’s no time. Run.

Run while you can! You can escape being a catcher for the Nationals! Don’t look back!

Didn’t you see what happened to Wilson and Sandy and Carlos? It was going to happen to you too. If you stay too long, I can’t guarantee your safety. It might be hard leaving Washington, but know that the team is doing this for your safety. Find a safer place. Like behind home plate in Arizona, or Minnesota.

Just run. Don’t let the Curse of the Catcher catch you.

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National Re-Sign Maldonado, Sign Kruml


“I had a dream job as a baseball player once….It was awful.”

The long National nightmare is over. After so much speculation, Washington will have Carlos Maldonado back, serving this country, for another year. After Maldonado elected free agency, many weren’t sure if we’d ever see his face again. Or if we had ever seen it in the first place? He’s such an obscure player, I really don’t know what he looks like.

But now we are certain that Carlos will return and be in a position much like Obama is. In a dangerous spot in Washington where everyone is looking to take you out (the Oval Office/behind home plate at Nationals Park), with limited chances that they will get anything done (because of a bitter and unhelpful House/tremendously limited baseball ability). Good luck at leading this great country, Carlos.

In other news (I can call it that since news’ reputation as actually important has taken quite a hit in recent years) the Nationals have signed former Yankee Ray Kruml to a minor league deal. Kruml may not be the most talented player, but he does have the most confusing last name. Krum would be a fine name. We’d be able to make a lot of jokes and signs referring to Krum the Horrible, the 9th century Khan of Bulgaria. It would be a great comparison, since Kruml’s chances of being a major leaguer seem somewhat horrible. But instead we’re stuck adding an “l” to everything. Kruml the Horriblel? Doesn’t quite slide off the tongue. In fact, my tongue broke trying to say that.

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Carroll and Maldonado Elect Free Agency


Brett wanted to spend more time with his passion, laughing at the small portions that poor people get.

Brett Carroll and Carlos Maldonado have elected free agency. Both men played an important role on this team in 2012, by staying out of the way as to not prevent our success.

Carroll had an exciting two at bats in 2012. Exciting for the other team, because he got out in both of them. But at the same time he managed to score 2 runs. Sure he might strike out and fail to impress every time he sets out for success, but he still manages to score often. Hmm, scoring a lot even though you’re a failure? Must be on some madam’s list somewhere.

As for Maldonado, I’m impressed he’s still alive. Playing catcher for the Nationals in 2012 was a risky thing to do. But he came out in the end and is still breathing. So congrats on being alive. At least physically, despite if you’re dead on the inside. We know that can happen to someone after playing in Syracuse for so long, just look at John Lannan and his sad, dead eyes.

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Nats DFA Maldonado, Release Hill

On a day that the Nats acquired a new catcher they have decided to get rid of two, in what’s being called the most humane decision since the invention of no kill shelters. Carlos Maldonado, a man who was a big league Nats catcher and also caught the injury bug (sorry for being redundant), was DFA’d to clear space on the 40 man for Kurt Suzuki. He will be missed. By stray bullets and out of control trucks, now that his luck has improved.

Also you may remember me writing about the Nats signing Koyie Hill earlier this season. I didn’t. But he’s gone too.

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Are Our Catchers Horribly Injured? Jhonatan Solano Injury Edition


Solano and the other Nationals catchers crouch before what we’re assuming to be a firing squad, given their luck.

Jhonatan Solano is injured and likely going to the DL. It’s time for another edition of “Are Our Catchers Horribly Injured?”

Jhonatan Solano: Some call his injury just an oblique strain. Some call his injury a fatal illness. Most call his injury just an oblique strain. Solano will likely be placed on the DL soon, marking his first time hurt this season. It was only a matter of time, peer pressure always gets to you.

Sandy Leon: With Solano’s injury, a rehabbed Sandy Leon will likely return. Leon was hurt horribly in his major league debut but has made his way back. He will however be placed in a giant bubble for protection. Some may call this inconvenient for catching and throwing, but I think it’ll be just like a pitchback.

Wilson Ramos: Wilson underwent successful ACL surgery today. I’m surprised by this. Not that it was successful, but that there was even an ACL left there.

Carlos Maldonado: Maldonado has been making his way back from injury and is playing at AAA. The American Airlines Arena? Ugh, everyone is going to the Heat nowadays.

Jesus Flores: Flores has escaped the injury bug for the time being and remains the Nationals starting backstop. But let’s be honest, being a healthy Nationals catcher is like being born in the 1800s. You probably don’t have much time left.

Keep tuning in to find out if our catchers go down with violent injuries.

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The Nationals at the Break


This toaster is just like our season; We burnt everyone and we too had the option for frozen, as it applied to our offense at times.

Here we stand at the midway point of the baseball season. Or, if you’re someone like Rich Garces, here we sit. It’s much too tiring to stand up with all that weight. Baseball has reached a point when many people take time to rest and many others take time to analyze each team’s performance to this point. Given I am unemployed and thus have been doing nothing but rest for weeks, I’ll give the latter a shot and look at how the Nationals have done to this point in the season.

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2012 Nationals Player Profile: Carlos Maldonado

If you could see the expression on Maldonado’s face, you would be looking at a face of abject glee bordering on mild orgasm.

Let’s do a thought experiment. Imagine that you’re Carlos Maldonado. It can’t be easy being Carlos Maldonado. It’s tough to make a good first impression, because everyone’s first impression of you is going to be that you’re bad. First of all, the Nationals started the season with three people they’d rather have at catcher than you, and a fourth who has taken your backup job now that you’re on the disabled list. That’s bad. Second, the first syllable of your last name literally means “bad.” That’s also bad. Third, you’re actually pretty bad at baseball for someone who plays baseball for their job. So that’s definitely bad. You must have a very hard time convincing people who you meet that you’re not just a generally bad human being.

Now, let’s say you have a crush on that really cute girl who cleans your uniform. You see her at a bar after a game, and you go up to chat. She asks, “So, what do you do?” You tell her that you play baseball. She says, “Oh, what a coincidence! I clean baseball players’ uniforms! Are you good?” Now you’re in a real bind. You could lie and tell her you’re good because she doesn’t seem to know much about baseball, but you’re a bad lier. You could tell her that you’re bad at baseball, except that you’re bad at self-deprecating humor. You know it’s all over. You turn around and trudge home. Another sad night in the life of Carlos Maldonado.

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Welcome Back Tyler Moore!

Tyler’s return party had some weird decorations.

Another Nationals catcher is injured, and that means it’s time to paaaaaaaaaaartyyyyyyyyyy!!!! If you’re Tyler Moore, that is. Tyler was recalled up to the Nationals after Carlos Maldonado caught the midnight train to the DL, hoping for a reprise of his mind-blowing 3-19 showing the last time he was here. Or maybe even something slightly better!

Actually, Tyler tore up AAA like a bad report card in his brief minors stint, going 9-21 with 20 total bases. It’s only a matter of time before that vaunted strength is unleashed to help the big league club. Even though Davey Johnson probably won’t give him any at-bats, he can at least help move furniture and open jars of salsa for the rest of the team.

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Are Our Catchers Horribly Injured? Carlos Maldonado Injury Edition


In deep thought about how to get injured if he ended up on the Nationals.

Carlos Maldonado is injured and going to the DL. It’s time for another edition of “Are Our Catchers Horribly Injured?”

Jesus Flores: He seems healthy, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s dead as we speak.

Carlos Maldonado: Apparently it’s nothing too bad. I think that’s what doctors say when cancerous patients come to them to get checked for just a head cold.

Jhonatan Solano: The only Nationals catcher to escape injury so far this season. You know what they say about injury, though. If you’re a Nationals catcher, you will get injured. It’s not a graceful saying or anything, it’s true though.

Keep tuning in to find out if our catchers go down with violent injuries.

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