Cesar may be gone now, but his time with the Nationals was an important one. Here I will discuss the things Cesar accomplished during his time here.
Ian Desmond has made his way back from the DL a lot sooner than people anticipated. In fact, it’s the quickest he’s done anything since turning us all against him after a promising 2009. But actually, his presence will be a big boost for this lineup. Not cause Ian is good or anything, but cause he often offers to have players sit on his lap at dinner tables if they need a booster seat and don’t have adult size. He says he likes the warmth or something. He’s weird.
With Ian’s return, we lose Cesar Izturis. Cesar possessed a skill that other Nationals shortstops lacked: defensive competence. It will be sad to have grounder after grounder to short be carelessly bobbled or thrown away by Desmond or Espinosa or whoever is playing there. But we can take solace in one thing. And that’s returning this majestic creature, Cesar, back to the wild. Sure he won’t have money, or a job, but he’ll have his freedom. And isn’t that what we all deserve?
Oh, he has a family to support? Sorry about ruining all that, Cesar.
Final Score: Nationals 14, Giants 2
Dame of the Game:
Everyone. Every man who donned a Nationals uniform last night and stepped on the field was either good or wonderful. Even Kurt Suzuki. Even…Kurt Suzuki. (Even Kurt Suzuki, you ask? Yes. Even Kurt Suzuki.)
Shame of the Game:
Ryan Vogelsong. 2.2 IP, 8 ER, 9 H, 2 BB, 5 K. Longtime readers will note that the title of this post is the second “Song of Ice and Fire” pun title that I’ve made. And don’t worry, all you Zimmerman(n) Telegram/Game of Thrones crossover fans, I’ve already thought of many more, so as soon as the very specific situations required for them to work happen, you’ll get them.
Hint: if Ryan Vogelsong, Bryce Harper, and Mike Fiers ever somehow end up playing in the same game, I will have achieved the ultimate SoIaF baseball joke. Make the trade, Giants and Brewers.
14 runs is a lot of runs. Too many for me to tell you about all of them. So in lieu of summarizing this game, here are 14 quotes said by various Nationals only in their heads and not out loud during last night’s game.
1. “Okay. Okay. Okay. SKREEEEENGE. Hugahugahugahugahugahugahuga. Okay. Okay. Okay.” –Ryan Zimmerman, hitting an RBI double.
2. “Do work, bro. Get after it. Just be yourself and do it. You’re a big man. You’ve had sex with a girl sort of.” –Bryce Harper, stepping up to the plate.
3. “” –Adam LaRoche.
4. “If I just keep smiling, they’ll never know about my crippling phobia of the Pacific Ocean. Just. Keep. Smiling.” –Gio Gonzalez, between innings.
5. “Man, do I look gooooood today.” –Tom Gorzelanny, looking at himself in the mirror right before he comes in to pitch.
6. “I did it! Hoop! Hip! Yips! I made it go there! The nice man at third base patted my butt! I’ve never been so happy in my life!” –Danny Espinosa, after homering.
7. “Okay, this is it. My big moment to shine. To strike out the side and make the Nationals finally appreciate me and the fans love me. I can do it. I can–huh? What? Where am I?” –John Lannan, waking up from a dream. Continue reading
Final Score: Diamondbacks 7, Nationals 4.
Dame of the Game:
Cesar Izturis: 1-1, 1 2B, 2 R. Cesar is now 2-2 with 4 runs as a National. You may ask, why all the runs with so few at bats? And I say, bad pre-game Mexican food.
Shame of the Game:
Kurt Suzuki: 0-4, 1 E. Suzuki turned in another 0-for-4 performance, coupled with his first error as a National. He had committed many errors in Oakland however, including making himself seem valuable in some way to the Nationals.
Ross Detwiler was sick tonight. No, he didn’t have nasty stuff. He was sick. No, he didn’t do something gross like poop in his glove and then use it. He was sick. No, he wasn’t spelled incorrectly and quoted. He was sick. He just didn’t feel well. And that showed on the mound. In more ways than just the mound being covered in sniffles and vomit. For every runner Detwiler allowed, he also gave up an earned run. Which would’ve been fine if he didn’t allow any runners. But he did. So that’s bad.
Cesar Izturis is a National. I will pause for the excited applause..
…hmm, I must be deaf. I didn’t really hear anything. Izturis was claimed off waivers from the Brewers to provide the Nationals with some defensive depth. Cesar was once traded straight up for Greg Maddux, meaning he must be a Hall of Fame level player as well. Either that, or Greg Maddux farted so much around the clubhouse that they were just dying to trade him.
With Izturis being added to the team, two Nationals will be changing spots. Mark DeRosa is headed to the DL yet again, leading me to believe that Nick Johnson is here and is just very good at disguising himself as DeRosa.
Additionally, the Nats DFA’d Atahualpa Severino to make room on the 40-man for Izturis. I’m all teary eyed while writing out this news. Now if you’ll excuse me, I should get back to cutting up these onions.