Tag Archives: Chad Durbin

Will Ohman Signed by Nationals

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I broke into Topps’ computer network and found this in the folder labeled, “Weird shit that wouldn’t fly on baseball cards.”

Oh man. Will you look at this? The Nationals have signed Will Ohman to a minor league contract. Will he earn the lefty role in the pen out of spring training? Oh man, what a contest this will be.

Oh, man.

Ohman.

…bin.

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A Minor Catastrophe: Nats Get Swept by Braves

The game is so depressing that Ian Desmond tries to strangle himself. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

Final Score: Braves 5, Nationals 1

Dame of the Game: 

Chad Durbin: 1 IP, 0 R, 1 H, 1 K. Just in case this is the last time I get to say it this year…Dur.

*sniffle*

Bin.

Shame of the Game: 

Mark DeRosa: 0-1. What is he still doing here? Did we just forget he was on the team because he’s so boring? Who was supposed to get this at-bat? Are we sure they’re still alive?

——–

Baaaaa-ba-da-ba-BA-BAAAA

Jon Miller: Welcome to Sunday Night Baseball. I’m Jon Miller, and this is my partner Joe-

Joe Morgan: Joe Mogrom.

Miller: Morgan.

Morgan: Mortgage.

Morgan: Joe Morgan.

Miller: Tonight, divisional rivals Washington Nationals and Atlanta Braves battle it out in a potential playoff preview. These are two great teams–what do you think is the key to the game, Joe?

Morgan: Well, Gio Gonzalez has a chance to get his 20th win tonight. That would really put him strongly in Cy Young contention. And if he does that, I think the Nationals might have a real shot in the playoffs with a 20 game winner on their staff.

Miller: Great point, Joe. Alright, let’s get to the starting lineups. Leading off for the Nationals, Carlos BelTRAN.

Morgan: That’s not Carlos Beltan, that’s Jayson Werth.

Miller: What? Oh, yeah. Batting second… Continue reading

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Morse Is A Horse, Of Course, Of Course: Mike Stands Tall Over Braves

“Hmm… tastes like… a jersey…” (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Braves 4.

Dame of the Game:

Mike Morse: 4-4, 3 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. The Code turned things around and cracked something himself. That something was a tiebreaking home run in the 8th to put the Nats on top for good. Morse apparently called his shot beforehand, but I thought at the time that drawing lines and dots in the dirt was just an unnecessarily long at-bat ritual.

Shame of the Game:

Chad Durbin: Loss, .2 IP, 2 H 1 ER, 1 K. Durbin: a word made up of the words “dur,” commonly heard by Chad after doing something dumb while pitching, and “bin,” representing a trash bin in which Durbin’s pitches belong. Durbin. Dur.

Bin.

———-

Today was in large part about Mike Morse. You can tell by the title of this post, which of course relates to the old TV show Mr. Ed. To honor Michael’s big day, I have rewritten the lyrics for the theme to that show:

—–

Morse is a horse, of course, of course,

And no one can sock like Morse, of course,

That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. Ed (Mathews).

Go right to the source and ask Mike Morse,

He’ll give you the homer that you’ll endorse.

He’s always on a steady course.

Gawk at Mr. Morse.

People whackkity-whack the balls, into gloves they stray.

But Mr. Morse will never swing unless he can hit it far away.

Morse is a horse, of course, of course,

And Mike will hit with a great big force.

You never heard of a socking Morse?

Well listen to this: “I’m Michael Morse.”

Continue reading

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Atlanta Braves Kidnap Chad Durbin

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You can see the fear in his eyes.

The Atlanta Braves announced today that they had signed Chad Durbin, meaning that Ryan Mattheus will likely get the final Nationals spot in the bullpen. While the bullpen controversy has been solved, another one has emerged. The Atlanta Braves and Frank Wren have committed a horrific and illegal act and kidnapped Chad Durbin.

The Nationals have yet to announce Durbin’s release from the team, meaning that he was most likely taken by Chipper Jones in the night. If you see Durbin wearing a Braves uniform and looking happy, it’s probable that he is experiencing Stockholm Syndrome. Please save him and return him to the Nationals.

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Thirty-Second Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals vs. Boston Hangovers (From All the Beer Last September)


OH GOD GET IT AWAY

The Nationals Raft is close to finishing its long journey down Spring Training River, after which it will careen straight over Opening Day Falls into Regular Season Lake, where it’ll float around for a few months and hope that it gets sucked down into Playoffs Whirlpool and and finally reach its watery tomb at the bottom of World Series Champions Sinkhole at the center of the earth. Sadly by that point all the Nationals will have drowned, but at least they’ll go out on top. At the bottom. Whatever.

Today the Raft hit a gnarled root in the shape of Vicente Padilla’s ugly face on it, as the Nats lost to the Red Sox 4-2 and Vicente Padilla is apparently on the Red Sox. Ew. The Battle for the Last Spot on the Nationals Roster, which will surely be long-commemorated in the annals of future histories, took a dramatic twist, as Chad Durbin gave up a run on two hits but struck out two. Will that run be the death knell of his roster-making dreams? Fans of things that aren’t really boring everywhere hope so. Otherwise everyone better get ready for a lot of Dur Continue reading

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2012 Nationals Player Profiles: Brett Carroll/Chad Durbin/Chad Tracy/Ryan Mattheus

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Brad Tracheus, Nationals superstar.

As we noted yesterday, time for our player profiles is running out. The season begins on Thursday for the Nationals, but there are many more players to do profiles for that look to be making the Nationals’ roster. With our final two profiles set for the next two days reserved for some special players, we are faced with a tough choice.

As of now, it looks like Brett Carroll and Chad Tracy are going to make the team, while there is a competition between Chad Durbin and Ryan Mattheus for the last bullpen spot. Rather than choose one of these players to do today, I figured it made sense to combine all these players into one profile. So here we go.

Continue reading

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Twenty-Eighth Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals (SS(X Tricky)) vs. Detroit Tiggers are Wonderful Things

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The Nationals got lucky that they only have to see Balester's fearsome face in Spring Training.

You know what they say. Two heads are better than one. They also say 40 some odd heads are better than 25, as the two Nationals split squads made a clean sweep of the day. After beating the Braves earlier, the Nationals split squads continued to shine, beating the Tigers in the night game by a score 5-3. The Nationals have really turned it on late in Spring Training, which is good because honestly if they’re not turning things on it’s hard for me to stay into it the whole time. I mean after a while it becomes humping for no real reason.

The Nationals only made one offensive substitution the whole game, having catcher Sandy Leon replace Jesus Flores late. Flores was a little upset to be taken out of the game while all his teammates stayed in. Lets hope everything stays ok in the clubhouse, because Jesus does not like to be crossed.

…Durbin.

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Twenty-Seventh Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals (SS! (not the Nazi kind)) vs. Atlanta Vaguely Offensive Indian Stereotypes

This is how you train to sprin.

Wow. Wowee. Whoda thunk it. Well I never ever. Jesus Christ on a shishkebab.

Half of the Washington Nationals beat a real Big Boy team this afternoon, taking out the Braves 6-3 and salvaging some last scraps of self-respect out of this dismal every-day-is-the-Ides-of March. Adam LaRoche was back in LaLineup after an extended injury-related absence, and wowed the starstruck crowd with a 1-2 performance. Edwin Jackson looked good, while Sean Burnett, perhaps realizing that it was time to practice what he’s actually going to do this season, finally gave up a run. Chad Durbin was…I dunno, really boring? Is there any other way to describe Chad Durbin? What a boring man.

Durbin. Durbin. Durbin. Durbin.Dur.

Bin.

…Durbin.

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