Tag Archives: Chien-Ming Wang

Nats Trade Henry Rodriguez to Cubs for Ian Dickson

Image

Unfortunately Ian’s contract stipulated that he’s not allowed to keep the hat.

Drug addicts and fans of Top Gear within the Nationals fan base are devastated, as the team has traded away their resident expert on speed. Henry Rodriguez’s time in DC is no more. The hard throwing right hander has thrown his last 100 mph fastball for the Washington franchise. Although considering how far outside of the strikezone it was, it was more against the Washington franchise.

There was a time last season when H-Rod was closing games, but there was also a time last season when Brad Lidge was closing games. I think it’s safe to say that if you closed a game for the Nationals last season, your time with this team will come to an end. Sorry to be honest, Tyler and Drew. I just hope that if you ever leave, you’re traded to a state that’s accepting of your relationship.

As for Ian Dickson, well, I don’t know much about him. But I have a feeling he’ll help fill the void that Wang’s departure created.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Nats Finish Series 1 Game Under .500, Delight Fans Who Still Think It’s 2007: A Braves Series Recap

Game 1:

Image

Stephen knew what time it was. It was time for Steve. (Photo by Scott Cunningham/Getty Images)

Nationals 3, Braves 2

A win over the Braves. Nothing bad about this game. Everything is all good.

I’m sorry, I must be delusional from all the blood loss I’ve experienced from cutting my wrists open after Strasburg left the game early. Well no worries. This magical unicorn doctor will fix that. Won’t you, Dr. Trinket? No? You’re actually my kitchen table? Ok then, I’ll try to compose myself.

Now my gut reaction to this injury was bad. Since I also tried to commit seppuku out of depression, and my guts spilled everywhere. But since the injury has happened, we’ve learned some things. Strasburg won’t go on the DL yet, and it’s turned out to be a grade one lat strain, which is somewhat good news. Grade one is better than other grades in terms of severity, and also you’re still young enough that your teacher might bring in juice boxes from everyone. Hopefully Stras can recover so we can turn this team back into the middling .500 club that it deserves to be.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Taip-ei Diabetes: Cuba Kills Opponents With Sugar

Tragically, the elderly Diaz did not survive his ill-conceived attempt to block the plate.

Tragically, the elderly Diaz did not survive his ill-conceived attempt to block the plate.

Final Score: Cuba 14, Chinese Taipei 0

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Cuba severs diplomatic ties with Taiwan in 1960

——–

This game was a bit…one sided. Like a one-sided die that’s just a marble that says “Cuba Wins” all over it. They really could have just rolled that die before the game to decide the winner and saved themselves the trouble.

If the theme of our World Baseball Classic coverage was to use major league players hailing from the countries involved as a metaphor for the game, this game would’ve been Aroldis Chapman and Chien-Ming Wang trying to see who can throw harder. But it’s not. So HERE’S SOME FUCKING HISTORY. Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Peng-Pong Diplomacy: Relations Strain as Taiwan Shows Baseball Competence

Image

A couple Australian players found it unfair for China to get two opportunities, but that’s just their policy.

Final Score: Chinese Taipei 4, Australia 1.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Australia’s participation in the 1972 Joint Communiqué that recognizes the People’s Republic of China as the sole Chinese authority.

———-

There were many things that worked well for Taiwan tonight. Our old friend Chien-Ming Wang turned in a stellar pitching performance (better check to make sure he wasn’t cheating, he’s been known to do that), Cheng-Min Peng led a potent offense that put the team up early, and the all-around performance of the ball club led to a relatively easy 4-1 win over Australia.

Shame the Aussies don’t give a shit.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Ross the Dross: Nats Remain Short of Division Title with Addition of Bad Pitching

Image

I’m fine with Kurt Suzuki having a foot fetish, but I’d rather he keep it private. (AP Photo/Jeff Roberson)

Final Score: Cardinals 10, Nationals 4.

Dame of the Game:

Craig Stammen: .1 IP, 0 H, 0 BB, 0 R. Good job relieving Wang. Not many people on this team are willing to help out other guys by doing that, most of them are more interested in girls.

Shame of the Game:

Ross Detwiler: Loss, 2.1 IP, 4 H, 5 BB, 7 R (3 ER), 3 K. A Missouri native, Ross was certainly excited about starting his home state. Sadly he was so excited that he was finished way too early.

———-

*Bell ringing*

Teacher: Alright class, now take your seats. I heard you’ve been having a little bit of trouble becoming division champs, so I was asked by Mike Rizzo to teach you some math. Now I know what some of you are saying. What does being good at division have to do with winning your division? Well, they involve the same word. And that’s how English works, right? I don’t know, I’m a math teacher. Let’s begin. We’ll start with attendance. Jayson?

Werth: Here.

Teacher: Hi Jayson, nice to meet you. Gio?

Gio: Here.

Teacher: Nice to meet you as well, Gio. Tom?

Gorzelanny: Here.

Turning head towards Tom.

Teacher: Hi Tom, it’s great t-AHHHHHH! WHAT IS THAT? Ok, um, let’s just skip introductions and move onto the division.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Welcome Back Chien-Ming Wang (I Guess)

Image

I guess we shouldn’t have thrown away all his uniforms.

After another lengthy absence brought on by another injury, Wang is back. Yes, the very Wang we loved at one time, but after multiple performance failures, became a frustrating thing to deal with. I guess we can give this marriage between him and the Nationals another chance, even though it really isn’t very fulfilling anymore. Maybe Wang will surprise us. Anything to liven up this nearly dead relationship.

Tagged , ,

Johan-nes Bombs: Santana Composes Very Flat Work

Image

Morse just loves the smell of his finger. …I don’t want to know where it’s been. (Photo by Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 6, Mets 4.

Dame of the Game:

Mike Morse: 1-4, 1 R, 1 HR, 4 RBI. The horse had just one hit. But does this mean he had a bad performance? Neigh!

Shame of the Game:

Johan Santana: Loss, 5 IP, 7 H, 6 ER, 4 K. Yo Han, maybe focus a bit more on quality pitching and a bit less on smuggling goods throughout space. Although it is very important for baseball players to learn a profession to use for after retirement. Scratch what I just said.

———-

Mike Morse and Johan Santana have taken two different paths back from injury; Morse has taken the path of success, while Johan has taken the path of playing for the Mets. His supporting cast aside, Johan has done poorly on his own, notably going 0-5 with a 15.63 ERA in his last five starts. When asked what was causing these problems, Johan just kept claiming that he thought it was Opposite Day. This wouldn’t usually work, but considering that most people running things in baseball have the mental capacity of a five year old, everyone seemed fine with letting Johan continue to pitch.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Nats Encounter Terrible Time in Arizona, Odd Because They Aren’t All Hispanic

Image

John MacDonald has some fun playing soccer. With a bat. He is not bright. (Photo by Norm Hall/Getty Images)

Final Score: Diamondbacks 7, Nationals 4.

Dame of the Game:

Cesar Izturis: 1-1, 1 2B, 2 R. Cesar is now 2-2 with 4 runs as a National. You may ask, why all the runs with so few at bats? And I say, bad pre-game Mexican food.

Shame of the Game:

Kurt Suzuki: 0-4, 1 E. Suzuki turned in another 0-for-4 performance, coupled with his first error as a National. He had committed many errors in Oakland however, including making himself seem valuable in some way to the Nationals.

———-

Ross Detwiler was sick tonight. No, he didn’t have nasty stuff. He was sick. No, he didn’t do something gross like poop in his glove and then use it. He was sick. No, he wasn’t spelled incorrectly and quoted. He was sick. He just didn’t feel well. And that showed on the mound. In more ways than just the mound being covered in sniffles and vomit. For every runner Detwiler allowed, he also gave up an earned run. Which would’ve been fine if he didn’t allow any runners. But he did. So that’s bad.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Cliff Notes Nats, Makes Short Work of Them

Final Score: Phillies 8, Nationals 0.

Dame of the Game:

Steve Lombardozzi: 1-3, 1 BB. Steve outshined his teammates with this performance. But that’s like someone having the best performance in a movie like Norbit. It’s still not gonna be very good.

Shame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: Loss, 4 IP, 8 H, 1 BB, 6 ER, 3 K. What a distraster. The most explosively bad showing from a burg since the Hindenburg, and even then, that at least made for good television.

———-

These Phillies are not the Phillies we have come to know. No Shane Victorino, no Hunter Pence, and strangest of all, a victory. The troubled Philly franchise cut loose two of its stars on Tuesday implying that their era of dominance may be over. But Cliff Lee did his best Hiroo Onoda impression and kept fighting, clearly not having got the message.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Nationals at the Break

Image

This toaster is just like our season; We burnt everyone and we too had the option for frozen, as it applied to our offense at times.

Here we stand at the midway point of the baseball season. Or, if you’re someone like Rich Garces, here we sit. It’s much too tiring to stand up with all that weight. Baseball has reached a point when many people take time to rest and many others take time to analyze each team’s performance to this point. Given I am unemployed and thus have been doing nothing but rest for weeks, I’ll give the latter a shot and look at how the Nationals have done to this point in the season.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,