Tag Archives: Chris Young

Nationals Sign Chris Young (The Pitcher, WE CAN ONLY MAKE THIS JOKE SO MANY TIMES)

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Here’s a picture as boring as it is to write Chris Young transactional news.

We did this, like, a few weeks ago. Come on, Rizzo. Don’t you know we have jokes to make? Stop giving us the same tired old material.

To summarize: Chris Young is back. He’s tall, he’s smart, and he’s got a very boring name that is hard to make puns with. CHRIST, this is frustrating.

You got anything?

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Goodbye Chris Young (The Pitcher, Not the Actor)

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Young found his teammates were not accepting of him bringing his vast porn collection to the clubhouse every day.

Just last month, the Nationals signed Chris Young. Everyone was happy, because we needed someone to to dust on the top of counters, and Young was just tall enough to do it. But now, just one month later, Young has decided to opt out of being a cleaning gentleman to focus on actually getting a big league starting job.

Young is not that, as he will turn 34 this season. So hopefully he finds a team to take a chance on him. I just hope some team doesn’t accidentally sign him in order to meet a quota for employing minorities, ending up very disappointed.

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Nationals Sign Chris Young (The Pitcher, Not the Rugby Player)

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“Is this a wart on my knuckle?”
“Ew, get away! That’s gross!”

The Nationals have signed Chris Young to a minor league deal. When you look at Young, you’re shocked by one physical trait. He is not black. Then you realize you’re thinking of the wrong Chris Young. After coming to that realization you notice that Chris Young, the pitcher, is quite tall. 6’10”, in fact. And you know what they say about tall pitchers, don’t you?

You don’t?

Neither do I, I was hoping you did.

Well Chris Young is here, and will provide us with rotation depth. Now if only we could find someone to provide us with velocity depth.

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Well Mets: Nats Happy to See, Beat Funniest Team in Baseball

The ball wasn’t even moving, and they still ended up like this trying to get it. (Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 8, Mets 2

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-4, HR, 3 RBI, 2 R, BB. Bryce, Bryce baby.

Shame of the Game:

Pedro Beato: .1 IP, 4 ER, 4 H, BB. Bless you. Bless you. Bless you. Oh, were you so horrible because you sneezed every time you tried to throw a pitch?

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Ah, The Mets. They’re not that bad, really. Their actual baseball talent level this year is better than most people expected it to be. Their ability to lose baseball games in the most hilarious and soul-annihilating-to-their-fans ways possible, however, is exactly what people expected it to be: fantastic. They’re the best. No one can top them at this highly not-coveted skill. They are the baseball team equivalent of a sad clown.

The Nats had a lovely evening out at the circus last night. The whole event wasn’t a comedy, of course. They spent the first 9 innings admiring the impressive skills of the performers, who kept the game tied at two through some tight rope-walking by starter Chris Young and impressive feats of strength from strongmen David Wright and Ike Davis. They even had a bearded lady named R.A. Dickey. Continue reading

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