Tag Archives: Corey Brown

Your First Place 2012 Washington Nationals Men’s Gymnastics Team

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The Nationals showing off their new alternate uniforms.

Rookie hazing is a part of baseball. It’s kind of like fraternity hazing, only there’s a lot less alcohol involved. Unless you’re a member of the Houston Astros, where that is the only thing to numb the harsh reality that you’re a Houston Astro. Thanks to a tweet from Gio Gonzalez, we found out just how the Nationals are hazing their rookies; by making them dress up as the 2012 USA women’s Olympic gymnastics team.

Well now just who is who? Which National is which Gold Medalist Olympian?

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Heck of a Job, Brownie: After Severe Storm, Nats Successfully Clean Up Mess

Us featured on MASN again, though probably not as intentionally on their part as last time.

Final Score: Nationals 7, Marlins 6

Dame of the Game:

Jayson Werth: 1-5, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Jayson Werth was a shame of the game candidate before the rain delay, but afterwards he was the star. I guess Werth is like a flower, he just needs to be watered to reach his full potential. Also like a flower, some people get allergies when they get too close to Jayson. Probably cause of whatever’s stuck in that mound of hair on his face.

Shame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-5, 1 E (should be 2), 3 Earned Runs. A simple grounder went through LaRoche’s legs in the 5th which led to two runs, and a failure to pick a low but easy Zimmerman throw later led to another. Clearly Adam should not be considered to replace Strasburg in the rotation, considering the amount of runs he allows. However, he would be a good fit for the next vacancy for the Marlins closing role.

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The magic we felt upon entering Nationals Park yesterday no longer remained. A decision had been announced that we were all dreading. Many in the ballpark were shaking their heads. But that would be hard not to do, the promotional Ryan Zimmerman bobbleheads were just so fun to play with! They could only distract from the pain for so long though, as the reality set in: Stephen Strasburg is done.

The decision for such an early shutdown was a surprise. But not a good surprise, like a surprise birthday party. No, this was in fact quite the opposite. No balloons, no presents, and 30,000 people in attendance. …nobody shows up for my birthday parties :(.

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Nationals Recall Corey Brown

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It’s time to play, so no more taking vacations for Brown. Which is good for his family, they don’t have to take more of these weird vacation photos he demands.

Corey Brown is back! Nearly. The Nationals plan to have Brown on the roster for tomorrow’s game. So it’s really the eve of Brown’s return. Almost as exciting a time as Christmas Eve. Just like Santa, Corey will sneak in during the night tonight, although if you see him coming down your chimney call the police. He’s probably going to rob you since league minimum doesn’t pay all the bills.

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Nationals Activate Tracy, Option Brown

The Nationals have brought back pinch hitter extraordinaire and star of the CBS show “Without a Tracy,” Chad Tracy. He gives the team a valuable bat off the bench, just like a batboy. He also helps the team in a bunch of ways not as widely acknowledged, just like a batboy. And he flies around at night feeding on insects, just like a normal person.

To make room for Tracy, the Nats optioned Corey Brown back to the minors. And just when I thought the team wasn’t going to make any trades, they make one with themselves. I’ve gotta be honest, I think our franchise came out on top in this one.

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The Boy Who Cried, Wolf: Milwaukee Just Talkie, With Bad Showing

The jersey were actually meant to support gay marriage. But the Nationals encountered another embarrassing spelling error. (Photo by Mike McGinnis/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Brewers 1.

Dame of the Game:

Corey Brown: 1-5, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Corey probably didn’t have the best performance tonight, but he hit his first career home run. This award for him is kind of like praising a kid for his first poop on his own, even if he did it in the tub.

Shame of the Game:

Randy Wolf: Loss, 7 IP, 9 H, 1 BB, 4 ER, 6 K. Wolf is always randy. In both name, and because no baseball groupie is lining up to satisfy him given his many poor performances like this.

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Today was a big day for Jordan Zimmermann, as many of his family and friends came from Jordan’s nearby home town to see him pitch. While many baseball players are very excited to play in front of family, Zimmermann worried his teammates would make a bad first impression. It’s no secret that Jordan has had trouble getting his teammates to cooperate this year. Thus, he felt worried that his family would think less of them, despite Jordan really caring about them. The situation had the potential to be like Jordan bringing home a girlfriend, only to have her shit all over the carpet and leave Jordan helpless to clean up the mess. So what happened?

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Ian Desmond to the DL

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The middle of a swing, sneeze, or poop? You decide.

Some could argue that playing Ian Desmond through the injury they knew he had was a silly decision. They would be right. Ian is going to the DL with a torn oblique and will be out for quite some time. Desmond had put up fantastic numbers while being hurt though, which led many teammates to insult him and beat him with bags of balls in the hopes that additional hurt would lead to greater numbers. At least I think that was the reason. Maybe they just didn’t like him.

Corey Brown makes his return in Desmond’s absence, assuming he can get in the clubhouse door without any trouble. I doubt he’d be recognized.

Steve Lombardozzi will replace Desmond at second base for the time being, which upsets Steve to a degree considering that he doesn’t really like boobs. More of an ass man.

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2012 Nationals Player Profile: Corey Brown

Corey Brown gets ready for his first day of middle school (he was held back a lot).

Corey Brown is the most consistent player on the Nationals. Last year, he was 0-3. This year, he’s 0-3.

Consistency is a lifestyle for Corey. He is a firm believer that keeping to a regular schedule is the best way to maintain his sanity in this crazy world.

For instance, every morning, he wakes up three minutes too late and misses his bus. As he walks out his door, he always stubs his toe on the slightly protruding doorframe. For lunch, he makes himself a grilled cheese sandwich that he burns just enough so it tastes bad. He gets in the shower before the water heats up enough every time, and invariably has to jump out again, shivering. When he has sex with girls after games, he makes sure they’re 14 years old.

Gotta be consistent. Can’t start changing up the age of girls he has sex with now. Who knows what might happen.

One might accuse Corey Brown of not learning from his mistakes. But there’s something admirable about staying true to yourself, not abandoning the way you do things just because it’s inconvenient, painful, unpleasant, or illegal.

Or useless to the Nationals. Here’s to another 0-3 season in 2013.

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Morse Activated, Everyone Forgets How To Translate It

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Now having to focus on baseball again, Morse will have to take a break from goaltending for the Canucks.

The Beast is here. No, not Kelsey Grammer. Mike Morse. Morse was activated from the DL today and will make his season debut tonight vs. the Braves. To make room for Morse, Corey Brown was sent down to AAA in a move that saddens nobody.

Morse’s return gives us an extra power bat that we have been missing ever since Werth went down. It also gives us a starting everyday left fielder, bumping Lombardozzi from a role he was getting used to. While the Lombar Puncture was doing well in the leadoff spot, I’m sure we’ll find someone to fill that role. Now that Morse is back our lineup is much better, so the leadoff spot isn’t as much of a concern to me.

Now, let’s look at the Nationals starting lineup for tonight. Batting first, Danny Espinosa.

MORSE WHY DID YOU HAVE TO HEAL?!?!?!

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Hanging Chad: Tracy Injured, Corey Brown Called Up

Chad Tracy, before pain replaced smiles

When Corey Brown strode to the plate this afternoon with two outs and no one on in the 9th, Nationals fans everywhere were shocked and appalled. Many looked to the heavens and screeched. Many covered their eyes with a pillow and said “No no no no no no no bad bad bad bad.” Other simply went to the bathroom and never emerged. Where was Chad Tracy, who would typically pinch hit in that situation and somehow deliver a two-run game tying home run? Well, the answer is worse than could possibly be imagined. Or probably what you expected, if you’re a rational person. Chad Tracy is on the Disabled List with a pulled hamstring. I know. I know. It’s okay. It’ll all be okay. IT WON’T BE OKAY I KNOW IT YOU KNOW IT EVERYONE KNOWS IT. DOOMSDAY IS UPON US. PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN THE BASEMENT AND SAY GOODBYE FOREVER.

Did Corey Brown succeed in Tracy’s absence? No, he flew out. Not surprising, since as everyone knows the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are Pestilence, War, Death, and Corey Brown Flying Out.

 

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