Tag Archives: Daniel Murphy

Mets Err, No Caution on Side: Hefner’s Play, Boy, Not Good Enough to Top Nats


It took a little while for Jason Bay to remember what those flying white circles were. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Mets 3.

Dame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-3, 1 R, 1 HR, 4 RBI, 1 BB. The only National to crack the top 5 in all star balloting, failed to crack the top 5 reasons why the Mets lost (they were all Mets players). But he still did good.

Shame of the Game:

Daniel Murphy: 0-4, 2 E. After last night’s game, Jordany Valdespin sat in his locker crying. Murphy approached him and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“What’s going on, Jordany?” asked Daniel.

“Daniel, I cost us the game with my two errors!’ replied Jordany.

“So why are you crying?”

“Because I finally have proven that I am a Met!”

Having never seen somebody that happy before, Daniel decided to be like Jordany and commit 2 errors today, once again greatly limiting the Mets chances to win. It was a thrilling day for Murphy, who after months of being a mediocre player too good for this New York team, finally solidified his spot as a New York Met.


There was no lead to blow last night for the New York Mets. From the first inning on the Nationals were in front, nearly blowing the game twice themselves but ultimately remembering that is not the goal. The Nationals at times tried to do their best Mets impression, committing two errors themselves on the night. But in the end, this team is a whole different team from the Mets; it’s a team that knows how to get the job done. We’ve historically been so different from the Mets that it’s silly to even think we’d blow the game so easily. We don’t have a history of terrible failure. Oh wait, we do. Well, we don’t have an overpaid underperforming outfielder plagued by injuries. Oh wait, we do. Well, we make the playoffs often. Oh wait, we don’t. Oh no…have we been…like the Mets before? Ew. Ew ew ew. I need to go take a shower to wash off this horrible feeling.

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ROSSTAFARIANISM: Detwiler Pitches Five Shutout as Nats Put Mets in Place

Danny Espinosa forgets he's wearing a glove and tries to field the ball with his back instead.

Final Score: Nationals 6, Mets 2.

Dame of the Game:

Ross Detwiler: 5 IP, 0 R, 2H, 1 BB, 6 K. Detwiler took advantage of the opportunity given to him, shutting down the Mets over five innings. When told after the game that next start he’s going to be stretched out, Detwiler went wide-eyed and started screaming “No! Not the rack! I’d rather kiss Tom Gorzelanny on the lips or die!” No one bothered to correct his misunderstanding.

Shame of the Game:

Daniel Murphy: 0-4, 2 K, 4 LOB, 1 Really EmbarrassingĀ Error. I mean, there’s a reason there’s a whole law named after him.

Somewhere in Syracuse, John Lannan’s slumping shoulders slumped a little further.

It was bad enough when the Nationals stole his fifth starter’s job and demoted him to AAA. After that happened Lannan just went to a local bar, ordered 10 virgin margaritas, tried and failed to cheat on his girlfriend, went home, cried into his Cry Bucket (labeled John Lannan’s Cry Bucket in case he loses it), and passed out. It was more bad when he got shelled for 5 runs in 2 innings in his first start for the Chiefs. That night, he just sat on his bed and watched an ant slowly crawl across his carpet for four hours until it died. Still worse, the Nationals don’t seem to have any interest in trading or consoling or feeding John Lannan. Continue reading

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