Tag Archives: David Wright

Maple Leafs Ragged: USA Tops Neighbor to North Which is Ironic Because of Geography

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I’m unsure if this is the same animal that the U.S. and Canada fought over, or John Lackey.

Final Score: USA 9, Canada 4.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The Pig War.

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Pigs. No matter if you’re a normal guy just eating them, or if you’re mark Mark Teixeira and they’re throwing at you high and inside, pigs have a great impact on our lives. So great that the United States and Canada thought they should fight a war because of one. Ok, well maybe it was actually a conflict over disputed islands that was set off because of the death of a pig. But I think it’s a lot less embarrassing to say you were fighting over a pig, because bacon tastes delicious and islands do not.

In 1859, a Northwestern American farmer named Lyman Cutlar found a pig in the garden, eating his tubers. If this doesn’t sound like the start of a softcore porn movie, I don’t know what does. So Cutlar killed the pig. Turns out the pig was owned by an Irishman located in Canadian lands just across the border, who was quite upset. Cutlar offered him $10 to replace the pig, the Irishman demanded $100, and the United States and British-controlled Canada went to war. You know, the traditional way things go when a pig is killed.

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When in Rome, Do as the Romans Do: Lose

I think that guy on the right with the long hair and the grim face is Silvio Berlusconi in disguise.

I think that guy on the right with the long hair, the evil mustache and the grim face is Silvio Berlusconi in disguise.

Final Score: United States 6, Italy 2

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: An oldie but a goodie: World War II

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Hey, remember that time Italians were fascists?

Heh. Silly Italians.

Now, I know I’ve already covered the Italian Campaign in pointing out Canada’s lackluster role in the whole affair. But I do think it’s worth stressing the extent to which Italy got absolutely clobbered in this war, then slathered onto a tank sandwich between two slices of the U.S. and Nazi Germany.

The big blow in the campaign was undoubtedly the American-led capture of the island of Sicily. That event also happens to be recalled by a similar occurrence in Saturday’s U.S.-Italy WBC game: David Wright’s fifth inning grand slam off hopeless Tampa Bay Rays reliever Matt Torres. In 1943, the U.S. had its Mediterranean bases filled with ground, air, and naval forces. The invasion of Sicily, like Wright’s home run, cleared those bases and would eventually lead to a decisive American victory.

Big shout out here to our very own Ross Detwiler, whose 4 shutout innings made him the Dwight Eisenhower of this game. I hope to see Ross taking many trips around the warning track this season in the jumbo Ike costume we’re sending him as a reward.

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No More Mr. Niese Guy: Mets Are Mean, Don’t Share Runs

David Wright couldn’t stop giggling after Jesus Flores told him the punchline to “why did the chicken cross the road.” This would have been an effective strategy for getting him not to swing, except that he walked. (Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Final Score: Mets 2, Nationals 0

Dame of the Game:

Edwin Jackson: 2 ER, 2 H, BB, 11 K. Jackson should spend less time hanging out with Jordan Zimmerman, that lack of run support seems to be contagious. At the very least they should stop sharing the same fork at postgame meals.

Shame of the Game:

Michael Morse: 0-4, 3 K. The hitting streak is finally over, and Joe DiMaggio is safe. I’m still holding out hope that, through the sheer vagaries of chance, the record will one day be broken by some terrible player that no one would have otherwise wanted to remember. Like, I dunno, Wil Nieves.

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Nothingness.

The absence of matter. The inky blackness of the void. The fate that ultimately awaits us all. The Nationals offense in this game.

I could take the easy way out and say that the rest of this post will be a metaphor for Washington’s offensive performance and just stop writing words here. We’ve done something like that when the Nats got shutout 2-0 before, after all. But that would be cowardly. I have to stand up and face this miserable loss like a man. Then while I’m at it, I should confront the reality of my mortality.  Continue reading

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Well Mets: Nats Happy to See, Beat Funniest Team in Baseball

The ball wasn’t even moving, and they still ended up like this trying to get it. (Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 8, Mets 2

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-4, HR, 3 RBI, 2 R, BB. Bryce, Bryce baby.

Shame of the Game:

Pedro Beato: .1 IP, 4 ER, 4 H, BB. Bless you. Bless you. Bless you. Oh, were you so horrible because you sneezed every time you tried to throw a pitch?

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Ah, The Mets. They’re not that bad, really. Their actual baseball talent level this year is better than most people expected it to be. Their ability to lose baseball games in the most hilarious and soul-annihilating-to-their-fans ways possible, however, is exactly what people expected it to be: fantastic. They’re the best. No one can top them at this highly not-coveted skill. They are the baseball team equivalent of a sad clown.

The Nats had a lovely evening out at the circus last night. The whole event wasn’t a comedy, of course. They spent the first 9 innings admiring the impressive skills of the performers, who kept the game tied at two through some tight rope-walking by starter Chris Young and impressive feats of strength from strongmen David Wright and Ike Davis. They even had a bearded lady named R.A. Dickey. Continue reading

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Ninth Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals (SPLIT SQUAD!) vs. The Jason Bay Experience

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Two Mets players celebrate a loss by only single digits.

The Washington Nationals split squad met the New York Mets full squad today, in what proved to still be a one-sided contest, as the Nats beat the Mets 8-2. On the mound it was a battle of true adventurers R.A. Dickey, who recently climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, and Chien-Ming Wang, who recently drank some milk without checking the expiration date or smelling it first. Both men turned in poor showings, but the Nats bullpen had a good performance to seal the victory. Brad Lidge went another showing without giving up a home run to Albert Pujols, although that NLCS one still hasn’t come down like Lidge’s confidence in himself has.

For those Mets fans still wondering when David Wright will make his spring training debut, check a Mets blog.

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