Tag Archives: demonic arts

Bryceratops: Harper’s Homer Helps Nats Trample Braves in Sweep

Danny Espinosa was so embarrassed by his poor hitting this year that he decided to replace most of his face with a baseball so no one would recognize him.

Final Score: Nationals 7, Braves 2

Dame of the Game:

Gio Gonzalez: 7 IP, 2 ER, 1 H, 3 BB, 10 K. Gonzalez also had a sacrifice fly and two sacrifice bunts–the most sacrifices he had performed in a day since Brad Lidge once convinced him to help sacrifice every animal on a farm they passed during a roadtrip. Needless to say the farmer was not pleased, and they had to quickly run away from his brandished pitchfork, leaving a trail of massacred livestock in their wake. Good times.

Shame of the Game:

Livan Hernandez: 3 IP, 4 ER, 6 H, BB, K. This Shame of the Game is presented with a caveat: it was actually very nice of Livan to give his old friends so many runs at their reunion, and that’s a practice we’d like to encourage in all former Nationals pitchers.

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Bryce Harper is a man in desperate need of a nickname. “Bam Bam” is okay, but the image it calls to mind is of a stupid person who hits himself in the head with bats, not a fearsome baseball player. I’m sure that many baseball scholars will attempt to christen him with their own terms of endearment, but here is my own humble submission. If you bothered to read the title of the post, you can probably guess what it is:

First appearing in the late Cretaceous period roughly 68 million years ago, the Bryceratops somehow survived the extinction of the dinosaurs but remained in hiding before being drafted by the Nationals in 2010. For some reason it has two mouths.

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