Tag Archives: Detroit Tigers

Kobernus Called Up, Maya DFA’d


Kobernus swings so hard that his eyes disappear, they just vanish.

As payback for a failed attempt at predicting the end of the world, the Nationals have sent  Maya back down to the minors. If they’re going to pretend to threaten our livelihood with their silly predictions, we’re going to actually ruin their lives by making sure they don’t play in the majors.

With Maya’s designation, the Nationals have called up Jeff Kobernus. Kobernus was a former Rule 5 pick to the Tigers, but was returned to the Nationals this March. Do not confuse the Rule 5 draft with the Rule 34 draft, which based on recent events we know Steve McCatty was a part of.

Kobernus plays 2B, and will likely see some playing time because of Espinosa’s horribleness. He has already been seen as a success compared to Danny, since his walking to the airport was more walking than Espinosa’s done all season.

Trying to come up with a nickname for Kobernus, I had some trouble. But for now I think we should all go with The Kober Report.

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Nats Catch Tigers By Toe, Don’t Let Go When They Holler

Game 1:

Denard Span makes the mistake of looking into the fiery pools of unbridled hatred that are Adam LaRoche's eyes. (Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Denard Span makes the mistake of looking into the fiery pools of unbridled hatred that are Adam LaRoche’s eyes. (Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Nationals 3, Tigers 1

This game marked a historic moment: the three billlionth anniversary of the day that Davey Johnson first clawed his way out of the primordial soup.

It was also less notable as being the first time that the Nationals have ever beaten the Tigers in a real live major league baseball game. It’s another relic of the Nationals’ embarrassing past shed, like when your mom finally incinerates your collection of Magic: The Gathering cards or when a really ugly person that you hooked up with once finally dies.

This is a new, more mature and discerning age of Nationals baseball. We can do things like beat the Tigers and have people like Jordan Zimmermann on our team, now, and people won’t think we’re getting too high above our station. We no longer have to be ashamed to exist. That’s the mark of a great baseball franchise.
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Nats Lose 4 in Rule 5


That’s the number.

The Rule 5 Draft took place today. It’s a draft that often means very little, but sometimes we see a team come across an unknown gem of a player. It produces a lot more gems than the Rule 34 Draft however. Some of that stuff is just too weird to be comfortable with.

This year the Nationals didn’t pick any players, but lost 4 of their own to other teams. Danny Rosenbaum went to the Rockies, Jeff Kobernus to the Tigers, Jack McGeary to Boston, and Hector Nelo to the Dodgers.

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2012 MLB Season Predictions


Someone will win this.

Despite the first series of 2012 baseball having come to a close, it still is early enough to not know exactly what will end up happening as the season plays on. While many experts have already made their predictions, this blog has failed to do so up until this point. However that changes now, as below are my predictions for the standings and awards for the upcoming baseball season. As I said before, it’s hard to know what’s to come for sure. But I think after watching a weekend of baseball, I have as good an idea as anybody.

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Twenty-Eighth Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals (SS(X Tricky)) vs. Detroit Tiggers are Wonderful Things


The Nationals got lucky that they only have to see Balester's fearsome face in Spring Training.

You know what they say. Two heads are better than one. They also say 40 some odd heads are better than 25, as the two Nationals split squads made a clean sweep of the day. After beating the Braves earlier, the Nationals split squads continued to shine, beating the Tigers in the night game by a score 5-3. The Nationals have really turned it on late in Spring Training, which is good because honestly if they’re not turning things on it’s hard for me to stay into it the whole time. I mean after a while it becomes humping for no real reason.

The Nationals only made one offensive substitution the whole game, having catcher Sandy Leon replace Jesus Flores late. Flores was a little upset to be taken out of the game while all his teammates stayed in. Lets hope everything stays ok in the clubhouse, because Jesus does not like to be crossed.


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2012 Nationals Player Profile: Ryan Perry


Ryan Perry (left), taking the Miguel Cabrera approach to becoming a star.

The Washington Nationals traded for the Tigers’ one time star prospect and middle reliever Ryan Perry this offseason. To commemorate his first season as a National, I wrote a poem:

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Seventeenth Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals vs. Detroit Lions, Tigers and Bears, oh my!


The Tigers' new uniforms are a bit much.

The Washington Nationals were mauled by the Detroit Tigers today in an 11-7 loss. Edwin Jackson had a poor showing, allowing 4 runs and 10 baserunners in 4 innings, taking his second loss of the spring. Doug Fister (I barely know her) shut down the Nationals for the most part, and Daniel Schlereth balked.

The Nats offense did well however, most notably Tyler Moore who doubled and homered in a last ditch effort to be known for something other than his familiar sounding name. Bryce Harper continued to make his case to be on the ML roster, striking out four times. Manager Davey Johnson admitted after the game that Harper was big league Nationals material, saying that today’s performance was “just like what the boys have been doing for the majority of this franchise’s history.”

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10th Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals (Split Squad Part 2!) vs. Detroit Unemployment

Just the right height

Firstly, for all the Tigers fans out there, let me preface this by saying: I love the Detroit Tigers. Brandon Inge is just the right…height. I like seeing the…pitchers. I love the pitchers. There’s just something very special with the Tigers’ pitchers. The great pitchers, like Justin Verlander, but also all the short relief bullpen pitchers, that sit in the…parts of Comerica Park. I love Prince Fielder! I don’t know, I grew up totally in love with Prince Fielder. It used to be, in the 50’s and 60’s, if you showed me one square foot of almost any part of Prince Fielder I could tell you what part of his body it was. Now with all the Japanese food that Prince Fielder has eaten I’m not quite so good at it, but I still know him pretty well. I have a Prince Fielder blow-up doll. I love Prince Fielder, and long may he rule the world.

Oh right, the game. Uh, it was another tie. 5-5. John Lannan, perhaps increasingly aware of his impending nonexistence, pitched like the mediocre man he is. The Nationals got some runs from people who will likely be hoping they have some non-baseball skills in the near future.

Credit to Mitt Romney for inspiring the preface.

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