Tag Archives: diplomacy

Taip-ei Diabetes: Cuba Kills Opponents With Sugar

Tragically, the elderly Diaz did not survive his ill-conceived attempt to block the plate.

Tragically, the elderly Diaz did not survive his ill-conceived attempt to block the plate.

Final Score: Cuba 14, Chinese Taipei 0

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Cuba severs diplomatic ties with Taiwan in 1960

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This game was a bit…one sided. Like a one-sided die that’s just a marble that says “Cuba Wins” all over it. They really could have just rolled that die before the game to decide the winner and saved themselves the trouble.

If the theme of our World Baseball Classic coverage was to use major league players hailing from the countries involved as a metaphor for the game, this game would’ve been Aroldis Chapman and Chien-Ming Wang trying to see who can throw harder. But it’s not. So HERE’S SOME FUCKING HISTORY. Continue reading

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Introducing: The World Baseball Classic as a Metaphor for Actual Historical Conflicts

As its subtitle suggests and should be pretty obvious, The Zimmerman(n) Telegram is a blog that primarily focuses on Nationalsism. But sometimes we must transcend that Nationalsism to take a broader perspective on the totality of baseball and the cornucopia of humorous delights it presents. Sometimes, we must embrace Internationalsism.

The World Baseball Classic is one of those times. Now, if you’re new to the WBC, you might be at risk of confusing it with the World Series. The World Series, like the World Baseball Classic, also involves baseball, and also is referred to as a Classic (of the Fall variety). The main difference between the two names is the sense in which the word “world” is used. In the World Series, “world” is appropriately used to describe the only places that are important: the United States and a tiny sliver of Canada. In the World Baseball Classic, “world” bizarrely refers to the entire earth, as if any of the rest of it was worthy of worldliness.

For all you visual learners.

The Zimmerman(n) Telegram will be taking a unique approach to WBC coverage. We recognize that what makes the WBC so much fun is that the teams struggling against each other for supremacy in the tournament represent actual countries, who have fought actual battles/had actual diplomatic spats with each other, in which actual people died/were offended. Because of that, every game will be representative of some awful or mildly annoying historical event. Obviously, we have no choice but to find those events and metaphorize them.

During the regular season, when we want to use historical wars as metaphors, we have to first assign countries to each team and then pick a conflict. But for the WBC, the first half of that task has already been done for us. It’s almost too easy.

So when the “World” Baseball Classic pitches off tomorrow night, just sit back, relax, and wait for us to trivialize some tragedy! And never fear: we will of course also be carefully documenting the adventures of the three Nationals serving as ambassadors to this important international summit.

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