Tag Archives: disease

Rendon Called Up, Zimmerman to DL

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The sad man to the left of Rendon was certain he was next in line to play 3B instead of Anthony.

Ryan Zimmerman going to the DL has become an event for celebration in Natstown. Sure, Ryan going down is always a blow to the team. But with every Zimmerman injury comes an exciting new prospect to the major league squad. Last year was Harper, and this year is Anthony Rendon. Pretty soon, anytime a Nats fan wants a top prospect to be called up, they’ll probably pull a Tonya Harding type thing with Zimmerman.

Who knows when Zimmerman will return. What we do know is that Rendon’s debut is right around the corner. Does this news make you pained and uncomfortable? No, that’s not because you’re worried about how ready Rendon is. It’s because you’ve got Rendonitis.

We mentioned Rendonitis a while ago, claiming that a cure was to put Rendon on the ML roster. Oddly enough, I still feel pain with regards to Desmond erring, so clearly that was not the solution. It is clear to me that Rendonitis is an incurable disease that will rapidly spread throughout all the Nats faithful. So get ready for a disease that never goes away, because trust me, it’ll be worth it. Wouldn’t you give a lung for a home run? I would.

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Taip-ei Diabetes: Cuba Kills Opponents With Sugar

Tragically, the elderly Diaz did not survive his ill-conceived attempt to block the plate.

Tragically, the elderly Diaz did not survive his ill-conceived attempt to block the plate.

Final Score: Cuba 14, Chinese Taipei 0

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Cuba severs diplomatic ties with Taiwan in 1960

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This game was a bit…one sided. Like a one-sided die that’s just a marble that says “Cuba Wins” all over it. They really could have just rolled that die before the game to decide the winner and saved themselves the trouble.

If the theme of our World Baseball Classic coverage was to use major league players hailing from the countries involved as a metaphor for the game, this game would’ve been Aroldis Chapman and Chien-Ming Wang trying to see who can throw harder. But it’s not. So HERE’S SOME FUCKING HISTORY. Continue reading

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Teddy Wins!

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Another winner rubbing it in John McCain’s face.

It’s finally happened. Teddy has won the Presidents Race. For so many years Teddy has been trying hard to win, and it looked like he’d never even come close. Much like Mitt Romney. But finally he was able to do it in 2012. Hopefully not like Mitt Romney.

The oddest thing was perhaps how the win went down. For you see it wasn’t Teddy winning this race on his own. He was helped by a mini Phillie Phanatic. Could this be the Phanatic’s son, rebelling against his father’s beliefs and coming over to the better side? I would be ok with that if I wasn’t worried about him bringing over some of the strange diseases that Philadelphians carried. I mean, his nose did fall off during the altercation. I wouldn’t be surprised if all that green fur was actually gangrene.

But hooray for Teddy. It’s been a long hard fight, but now you are what you’ve always dreamed of. 1 and 534. Congratulations, you’d be a perfect fit on the Charlotte Bobcats.

Update: Watch the video here.

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