Tag Archives: Diseases

Current Nationals in Playgirl

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Hot.

Above you see (or don’t see if you cover your eyes like any reasonable person would do) Steve McCatty, mostly naked. Earlier today, Baseball Prospectus published an article detailing a 1980s Playgirl featuring Major League Baseball players and their sexy scouting reports.

Well believe it or not, magazines are still around. Including Playgirl. And I just so happened to be looking through one for more Steve McCatty pictures when I found something interesting… It turns out that a lot of the current Nationals players also posed in Playgirl, just recently. Below I’ve included some of the photos, and some of their scouting reports.

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K-9: Strasburg Fetches Us a Win, Even with Neutering Soon to Come

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“So you’re telling me that even if I use this arm they won’t let me pitch past September 12th?” (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Cardinals 3.

Dame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: 6 IP, 2 H, 1 BB, 0 R, 9 K. Push it to the innings limit. Innings limit! Past the point of no return. You’ve reached the top, but now you’re gonna learn that this is a very bad idea. Paul Engemann wrote the song well before he knew that the Nats would be preventing more starts like this. I think he should amend those lyrics.

Shame of the Game:

Lance Lynn: Loss, 1 IP, 4 H, 2 ER. Cards fans must be experiencing Lynnsanity! Sadly, this spelling of the affliction suggests severe depression as opposed to excitement.

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The Nationals are safe for 20 more years. Safe from being as pitiful as the 1993-2011 Pittsburgh Pirates. For 19 years, the Pirates ended up below .500 season after season. From 2006-2011, the Nationals played a quality of ball very successful in imitating those 19 years in Pittsburgh. Thankfully they weren’t old enough to suck that much over and over on camera. There is an age limit for going into porn after all. But as they stood about 1/3 of the way to the record before tonight, they have to start all over again. With tonight’s win, we will not finish with a losing record this season, for the first time since the first year in Washington. In fact, we might end up with a winning record for the first time ever. Unless we lose 29 straight games. Which we can all rightfully blame on Strasburg’s innings limit. So quickly Rizzo, let’s not go ahead and do that.

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Dan Uggla Forgets How to Do Baseball, Nats Win in 13

I’m really looking forward to coming next time for Toetown Tuesday, when presumably they’ll replace all the intense pictures of players’ faces with pictures of their wiggling toes.

Final Score: Nationals 5, Braves 4

Dame of the Game:

Kurt Suzuki: 2-6. It might seem like an unorthodox choice, but Kurt Suzuki had the accidental infield single that set up Chad Tracy’s dramatic walkoff easy groundball to second. You’re the Dame of the Game, Kurt Suzuki–take a Kurtsy.

Shame of the Game:

Dan Uggla: 1-6, K, that one play that ended the game. The “uggly” pun is almost too easy. But then it’s really his fault for living up so obviously to his last name.

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Last night’s game was The Most Important Game of the Year for the Nationals, and I was there to witness it. What an honor. I was also there to witness The Most Important Drizzle of the Year. What an honor.

When the rain finally went on its merry way, the game got off to a pretty exciting start. The Braves scored a run. The Nats scored a lot of runs! The Braves scored one less than a lot of runs. That all added up to things being tied after four and a half innings, which I naively thought at the time would be halfway through the game. Silly me.

Another exciting game of  the crowd-favorite “Put Circles in the Circle” is completed. Continue reading

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2012 Nationals Player Profile: Anthony Rendon

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Anthony Rendon looks on exhaustedly as Desmond lets another double play ball through his legs.

Rendonitis is a recently discovered ailment, with most cases being found in the Natstown population.

Rendonitis is the inflammation, irritation, and swelling of one’s desire for the Nats to give Anthony Rendon a spot on the team.

Causes:

Rendonitis can occur as a result of over excitement with regards to new draft picks, or being fed up with the subpar performances of people like your shortstop.

Rendonitis can occur anywhere, but some commonly affected sites include the:

– Heart

– Brain

– Testicles

– Gut

Symptoms:

– Pain and tenderness whenever Ian Desmond makes an error.

– Pain during night games when we need a power bat at the plate but all we get is the pitcher spot or an unskilled bench player.

– Pain that is worse with movement as you rage about the house after a frustrating Nationals loss.

Treatment:

Putting Anthony Rendon on the ML roster.

Or kisses from Davey Johnson, but some believe that might just have a placebo effect.

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