Tag Archives: drones

NLDS Game 3: Badwin Jackson

I stopped off before the game at the Flags and Balloons Convention.

Did the Nats win: Nah.

Was it fun to watch: It was literally the least pleasant experience I’ve ever had watching a baseball game in person.

Visceral Emotion of the Game: A nagging doubt that baseball has ever actually been enjoyable for anyone.

It was a perfect day for baseball. To be sure, many days have been described as “the perfect day for baseball” over the years, and some have definitely been better than others, so I can understand your skepticism over that statement. But I would contend that this day, the first home playoff game of your Washington Nationals, was the one. The best weather that October has to offer, a crowd of Nationals fans abuzz with what I absolutely refuse to refer to as “October Natitude,” and this thing happening:

Ian Desmond’s postseason success has apparently made him much taller, much younger, and much more contemptuous of black people.

Continue reading

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… : … (Part 2)

Instead of having CIA-head David Petraeus throw out a ceremonial first pitch, the Nats would have been better off having him call in a non-ceremonial drone strike on Giancarlo Stanton. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Marlins 8, Nationals 0.

Dame of the Game:

Sandy Leon: 0-0. Just kidding, it’s no one.

Shame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 0-3. The ohfer is less shameful than the fact that he, as a cleanup hitter, only got up three times. That’s not entirely his fault, but I’m in no mood to accurately assign blame for this game.

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There are a couple of things that make this game slightly less miserable than the near-identical game from about a week and a half ago. One, Stephen Strasburg wasn’t pitching this time, so we didn’t have to worry about the fact that his innings were being wasted on an overflowing toilet of a baseball game. Unfortunately, that thing is canceled out by the fact that we now know that Strasburg won’t pitch again this year at all, which casts a pall of misery over pretty much every Nats-related thing that happens. Two, the Nationals only got shut out 8-0 this time instead of 9-0. Unfortunately, that thing is canceled out by the fact that WHO CARES THEY STILL GOT SHUT OUT BY RICKY NOLASCO AGAIN. Continue reading

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Strasburg Brings Gun to Archer-y Fight, Outduels Rays Rookie

The bubble grew and grew, until it grew so large that it had carried Bryce Harper off the ground and up into the stratosphere. Davey Johnson had to call the Pentagon to send over a Predator drone to intercept him and drop him back down at the field. (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 3, Rays 2

Dame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 H, 2 BB, 10 K. And with that, Strasburg passed the halfway point to his 160 IP limit. That innings limit is a joke, right? Ha ha. They won’t actually shut down Strasburg in the middle of a pennant race, right? Heh. Tee hee hee. HO HO HO HO…right?

Shame of the Game:

The offense (ca. 2nd-8th innings).While I understand the sentiment of not bothering to score any more than three runs when Strasburg pitches, you could’ve at least just forfeited those at-bats after the first rather than making everyone watch seven innings of offensive misery.

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This was a textbook Nationals win: Strasburg goes 7 strong, Clippard gets the save, the offense does just enough against Chris Archer but still looks horrible doing it, Bryce Harper does a foolish baserunning thing and gets away with it, Tom Gorzelanny doesn’t participate. Great stuff, great pitcher’s duel, good game all around. I don’t have much else to say about it.

Oh, I guess I do have one other thing to say about it. In the 7th and 8th innings, the Nationals faced a relief pitcher by the name of Burke Badenhop. Since he moved to the AL over the offseason, the Nats have not been seeing as much of Badenhop as they used to. Which is sad, because Burke Badenhop is the only major league pitcher who I’ve invented an entire dance for. It’s called “The Badenhop.” It mostly just involves hopping in place.

I invite you to sing and dance along with me as I hop the day away. Continue reading

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