Tag Archives: eggs

Cole Kimball Wins the AFL’s Stenson Award


Though many teammates are still unwilling to validate his insistance on being ready for the National Anthem at all times.

Gio may not have won the Cy Young, but a Nationals pitcher is taking home an even bigger award. That’s right, Cole Kimball has won the Stenson Award in the Arizona Fall League. Why is this award so important you ask? Well instead of recognizing Wins, ERA and Ks, it recognizes “unselfishness, hard work and leadership,” according to MLB.com. You know, some of those weird sabremetrics people aren’t quite ready to adopt yet but are much better at determining a pitcher’s value.

Kimball is working his way back from surgery in 2011, but could be a valuable member of the Nats bullpen down the line. We need another right hander now in our pen, considering Drew Storen will spend most of his game days in the stocks, with people throwing eggs at him.

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Lidge DFA’d, Mattheus Back


First in hurdle crawling, last in our hearts.

Brad Lidge is no more. Lidge has been DFA’d by the Nationals, which I believe stands for “Don’t Fucking Approach,” a strategy Lidge also used when it came to getting near the strikezone while pitching.

The transaction comes on Father’s Day, leaving Lidge to spend the day with his family, although I’m pretty sure they’re considering DFA’ing him as well. His daughter brought him breakfast in bed, which featured an uncooked egg and some used toilet paper to use as a napkin. “A breakfast as fulfilling as your performance,” she screamed as she hugged her father, not in an effort to show affection but rather to try and injure his internal organs so they could be rid of him.

With Lidge’s departure, Ryan Mattheus returns from the DL. Anything is better than Lidge, so I’m looking forward to Mattheus. In part cause he’s a semi-exciting player, but mostly because looking backward to Mattheus would be tough to do.

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