Tag Archives: Fernando Rodney

Once, Twice, Three Times a Loser: Puerto Rico Cedes WBC to Dominicans, Surprising Nobody

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It turned out to be far too late to get out of the way of the seagull poop.

Final Score: Dominican Republic 3, Puerto Rico 0.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The 2013 World Baseball Classic.

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There are two types of people who don’t like the World Baseball Classic. People who don’t smile, and comedy blog writers who are creating posts that parallel historic events between nations. We fall more into the latter, although I’ve had trouble raising the corners of my mouth since Game 5.

The WBC Final was a matchup between the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico, two teams who had already met twice before in this tournament. We had already run thin on metaphors given the surprisingly limited series of conflicts between the two nearby islands, exaggerating some unwanted immigration for the first matchup and then basically fabricating a battle over tourism for the 2nd DR-PR meeting. So for the third and final all-Caribbean faceoff we had to think outside the box. And we thought so outside the box that we came all the way back inside the box.

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All Akimbrel: U.S. Left With Hands on Hips After Tough Loss

Joe Torre trudges away after failing his country, like he always does.

Joe Torre trudges away after failing his country, like he always does.

Final Score: Dominican Republic 3, United States 1

World Baseball Conflict of the Game:: The American occupation of the Dominican Republic in 1965-66

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I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “How could the U.S. occupation of the Dominican Republic, which lead to an American-favored ruler being installed as President who would rule for two decades, be considered a metaphor for a game in which American was defeated?”

I’ll tell you how, you heartless bastard. No military intervention in another country’s domestic affairs can EVER be considered a victory, because foreign occupations for the sake of American strategic gain are MORALLY REPUGNANT. Even when the other country is in the midst of a civil war, as the DR was in 1965, military action cannot be justified. WHO ARE WE to decide the fate of the Dominican people? WHO ARE WE to decide that they would be better off if they “didn’t have a civil war?”

Lyndon Johnson may have thought he won this war, but his soul was defeated. The ethics of U.S. foreign policy suffered a loss in the Dominican Republic comparable to Craig Kimbrel giving up a go-ahead single to Eric Aybar in the 9th inning last night.

And the United States never recovered from its moral failing. Vietnam, Iraq, Kosovo, Afghanistan, Iraq again, Libya. Not coming back against Fernando Rodney in the bottom of the 9th. Look how far America has fallen from its righteous beginnings.

True victories are not measured in battles won, casualties sustained, or economic and political benefits attained. They are measured by whether we have abided by our moral principles.

And also, runs scored.

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