Tag Archives: Fifty Shades of Grey

Three Hit Theory: Diamondbacks’ Failure Successfully Advertised

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Dale Scott has an emotional breakdown at the beauty of Strasburg’s stuff. (Photo by Norm Hall/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 9, Diamondbacks 1.

Dame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: Win, 6 IP, 1 H, 4 BB, 1 ER, 6 K. If only Strasburg was on a hits allowed limit, he would pitch well into next fall. Which is what I’m hoping, I don’t want to deal with an innings limit again next season.

Shame of the Game:

Mike Zagurski: 1 IP, 4 H, 1 BB, 4 ER, 1 K. The Diamondbacks were overall terrible, so it was tough picking out one player to shame. In the end, I just went with my personal rule; when in doubt, blame the Phillie. Zagurski had played for Phillies before in his career, and had also given up 4 earned runs in one inning tonight. I thought these two things together made him very shameful. Although let’s be honest, the former would’ve done just fine by itself.

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70 is a big number. Heck, it’s bigger than 69. 68. 67. 66. 65. 64. 63. 62. 61. 60. 59. 58. 57. 56. 55. 54. 53. 52. 51. 50. 49. 48. 47. 46. 45. 44. 43. 42. 41. 40. 39. 38. 37. 36. 35. 34. 33. 32. 31. 30. 29. 28. 27. 26. 25. 24. 23. 22. 21. 20. 19. 18. 17. 16. 15. 14. 13. 12. 11. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. Even 1. And let’s not even get started with the non-integers and negative numbers, some of which are one in the same! But I digress. The Nationals won their 70th game tonight and that’s pretty cool.

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Hitting the Gi-Spot: Gio Pleases Us All With Wood and Balls

Final Score: Nationals 4, Astros 3.

Dame of the Game:

Gio Gonzalez: Win, 9 IP, 9 H, 2 BB, 3 ER, 7 K; 1-4, 1 R, 1 HR, 2 RBI. Gio threw a 9 inning complete game AND hit a home run, both of which were firsts for him. He also smiled, which was probably his first since hitting the 5 billion smile mark.

Shame of the Game:

Armando Galarraga: Loss, 5 IP, 6 H, 6 BB, 3 ER, 5 K; 0-2. Galarraga was one out away from perfection again, in that he could’ve walked out the door before the game and not allowed any hits. Sadly for him, he chose to pitch.

(UPDATE) Honorary Shame of the Game:

Angel Hernandez: 9 innings umpired, several terrible calls made, K, -1 BB. The people demanded Angel’s head, so decapitate we must. I have no good explanation for his general horrible umpiring and odious choice to strike out Bryce Harper after he received six balls, other than maybe he took it upon himself to personally rectify the harm done to Galarraga by Jim Joyce two years ago by helping his line for this game look slightly less horrible.

If so, that’s really stupid, and I feel no more bad about the head thing.

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The Nationals are lucky that one of their starters is not only good on the mound, but with their bat as well. They’re also lucky that another one of their starters is good in both areas as well. Additionally, they are quite lucky that a third one of their starters can not only throw gems, but can also hit home runs. I think you see where I’m going with this. The entire Nationals rotation is a group of cyborgs who are perfectly modified to hit, pitch, and love with the same high level of success.

Ok, maybe you didn’t see where I was going with that.

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This Actually Exists

This video of four members of the Nationals bullpen reading passages from Fifty Shades of Grey is funnier than anything I could possibly say about it. Baseball players need to spend more of their time doing things like this.

It would only be slightly more perfect if it were Clippard and Drew Storen staring longingly at each other. Oh well. I guess they have to save that for a more private setting.

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