Tag Archives: Final Vote

Vote Ian Desmond in the Final Vote!

Final Vote time is upon, which last year for us meant attack ad time. But this year we thought we’d try a more positive approach, and support our candidate with some pro-Desmond ads. So check it out, and vote for Ian at mlb.com/finalvote.

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Harper and Zimmermann Make All Star Team

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It’s weird that Harper and Zimm are on the team, since most Mets All Star Games consist of players who are not good.

Bryce Harper and Jordan Zimmermann have been selected to the 2013 All Star Game.

Harper makes the team for the 2nd straight year, only this time there is no denying that he deserves it. Last year after being announced as a candidate for the Final Vote, people could simply write programs to repeatedly vote his name on Twitter. Really cheap way to get your favorite player in. But this year people had to actually punch the holes out of all star ballots to get him in, and that takes work.

Jordan Zimmermann makes his first all star game appearance this year. I was worried that since he has a history of being so good with no run support, he’d fall victim to being so good with no voting support. But thankfully he was voted in by the players and coaches, and will no doubt confuse thousands of people into thinking Ryan Zimmerman was selected to the All Star Game.

In addition to these two, Ian Desmond is a candidate for this year’s Final Vote. We can only hope that, considering it is Desmond, there is an error in the voting tallying that somehow gets him in.

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Bryce Harper Concedes

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Delivering the concession speech.

Just a few hours ago, Bryce Harper lost the election to the final spot on the 2012 NL All-Star team. Many who put a great deal of work into campaigning for Bryce surely feel hurt at this time. But Bryce is a gracious loser, who has accepted the fact that David Freese won the vote. Below is the concession speech that Bryce delivered just moments ago.

Continue reading

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Bryce Harper Wins Final Vote: God’s

Despite losing the NL All-Star Final Vote, which we’ve repeatedly stressed was meaningless and irrelevant, Bryce Harper won the only Final Vote that matters on Thursday. In a press release put out by St. Peter this afternoon, we found out that Harper had been chosen by the Lord Almighty as the last person who will ever make it into heaven.

God was quoted as saying, “I dunno, man, Bryce offered to give me one of those “Don’t Be a Clown Bro” shirts if I picked him, and I just think those are hilarious. I’d totally wear that. No one could top it as a thank you present. Besides, as everyone knows me and the Devil are gonna decide who wins the whole thing at the end of time with a softball game, and I think Bryce could really help the team.”

When he dies, Harper will be one of just 34 people in the history of humanity who have ever made it through the Pearly Gates and onto what God describes as his “God Squad.” Some of the names on the list were expected, like Socrates, Mother Teresa, and Martin Luther King Jr., but others, such as Genghis Khan and Ugueth Urbina, were surprise additions. Notable snubs included Jesus, Mohammed, and Rick Santorum. Continue reading

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Lince-came, Lince-Saw, Lince-Was-Conquered: Nats Reign Through Rain

Angel Pagan sees a real giant behind the center field wall, and doesn’t react very bravely. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 9, Giants 3

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-5, 2 2B, R, RBI, K. This may not have been the best performance of the night, but it was certainly the most All-Star performance of the night. Tell the world you agree.

Shame of the Game:

Tim Lincecum: 3.1 IP, 8 R, 7 ER, 9 H, 2 BB, 2 K. Time Lincecum is having a very bad year. The kind of year that makes you wish “I wish I could have that year back.” But he can’t, and he only has a finite number of years to live before he dies, and this is one of them. That’s certainly a shame for him.

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I know, I know. It’s hard to concentrate on anything else while Bryce Harper is still in contention for the NL All-Star Final Vote. I, too, expected the world to come to a complete standstill until this matter is correctly resolved. But, apparently, gravity doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation, so the world’s still spinning. And because “schedules need to be adhered to,” the Nationals still played the Giants Tuesday night.

Fortunately, the Nationals overcame their certain preoccupation with Harper 2012 to do a little Giant-slaying. A giant’s weapon of choice is usually a large club, but it was the Nats that did the large clubbing in this game. Incidentally, after the game, Tom Gorzelanny did a little “large clubbing” of his own, which is what he calls it when he goes out to clubs specifically for designed for fat women. Sadly (for him) and happily (for the overweight women), he was no more successful in his seductive efforts than usual. Continue reading

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Chipper Jones Out of All-Star Final Vote

Chipper Jones tries to explain away the ground-up human flesh in the garbage. His bat is not convinced.

Whether because he was named as a replacement to the All-Star team for the injured Matt Kemp or because he’s too ashamed to face the scrutiny of voters now that he’s been exposed as a mass-murderer (who can really say), Chipper Jones has dropped out of the NL All-Star Final Vote. This undoubtedly increases the odds of Bryce Harper. He has one less competitor and, in particular, one less competitor who’s likely to kill him and feed his corpse to a woodchipper. So that’s good news all around.

The only man remaining ahead of Harper in the vote is David Freese. So keep voting for Bryce and ‘freese’ David’s vote total right where it is.*

*Note: a vote for Bryce does not necessarily constitute a vote for that pun, which you might not have liked. You probably shouldn’t have liked it if you did.

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Liveblogging Soon-to-be All-Star Bryce Harper’s At-Bats Tonight

Bryce Harper just saw Livan Hernandez crush Danny Espinosa in a sumo wrestling match. Literally.

Bryce Harper will remind everyone why he is the only correct choice for the NL All-Star Final Vote tonight. Stay tuned to find out why everything he does is further evidence for the fact that you are morally and legally obliged to vote for him. Continue reading

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