Tag Archives: Giancarlo Stanton

Heck of a Job, Brownie: After Severe Storm, Nats Successfully Clean Up Mess

Us featured on MASN again, though probably not as intentionally on their part as last time.

Final Score: Nationals 7, Marlins 6

Dame of the Game:

Jayson Werth: 1-5, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Jayson Werth was a shame of the game candidate before the rain delay, but afterwards he was the star. I guess Werth is like a flower, he just needs to be watered to reach his full potential. Also like a flower, some people get allergies when they get too close to Jayson. Probably cause of whatever’s stuck in that mound of hair on his face.

Shame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-5, 1 E (should be 2), 3 Earned Runs. A simple grounder went through LaRoche’s legs in the 5th which led to two runs, and a failure to pick a low but easy Zimmerman throw later led to another. Clearly¬†Adam should not be considered to replace Strasburg in the rotation, considering the amount of runs he allows. However, he would be a good fit for the next vacancy for the Marlins closing role.

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The magic we felt upon entering Nationals Park yesterday no longer remained. A decision had been announced that we were all dreading. Many in the ballpark were shaking their heads. But that would be hard not to do, the promotional Ryan Zimmerman bobbleheads were just so fun to play with! They could only distract from the pain for so long though, as the reality set in: Stephen Strasburg is done.

The decision for such an early shutdown was a surprise. But not a good surprise, like a surprise birthday party. No, this was in fact quite the opposite. No balloons, no presents, and 30,000 people in attendance. …nobody shows up for my birthday parties :(.

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I Can’t Believe It’s Not A Loss: Nationals Spread Happiness with Win

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Justin Ruggiano has no escape from the terrifying baseball. (Photo by Marc Serota/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 8, Marlins 4.

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-5, 2 R, 2 HR, 3 RBI. Two home runs in one game. Wow. One wasn’t enough for you, Bryce? Oh right, you’re a Mormon.

Shame of the Game:

Jacob Turner: Loss, 5 IP, 6 H, 5 ER, 6 K. Many Nationals climbed all over Jacob’s Ladder to reach a heavenly state today from ending their five game losing streak. The Marlins on the other hand slid down the lesser noted Jacob’s Chute, falling farther into the hell that comes with being a Marlin.

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Rosie the Riveter was right. We¬†can do it! We can win baseball games! Many didn’t believe in us, many thought that we were at the point where we’d sit back and let the rest of the league run all over us like they had been for years. But disaster struck. A 5-game losing streak. We had to step up and show our worth, that we could do things just as well as anyone else. Finally, during the 6th game we have achieved what we’ve been working so hard for. Hopefully we are never relegated to sitting back and losing ever again, and we remain on an equal plane with the rest of the league for the rest of the way.

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Glorious Leader Bryce Harper Makes the All-Star Team

Harper found out that he made the team in the middle of an at-bat. The ensuing celebratory dance and song delayed the game for half an hour, and brought many in the crowd to tears with its beauty.

Bryce Harper is an All-Star. Our efforts to get him elected, efforts that at one time seemed to have failed, clearly turned out successful, as Bryce is now on the team.

However, it wasn’t exactly democracy that helped Harper make the team. No, it was something a little more troubling. Bryce was placed on the team in a position of great power, replacing Giancarlo Stanton. Stanton was suspiciously injured, opening the door for a select group of powerful men like Tony LaRussa to pick whoever they so desired to fill that void.

It all seems a little off. Harper is not the choice of the people, but rather those who hold power over the people. As much as I love Harper, this was not democracy in action. This is the beginning of a dictatorship over baseball led by Bryce Harper. Well I have one thing to say about that…

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Marlins’ Johnson Bests Nats’ Wang: Washington Loses in Game of Inches

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Unlike Manny Ramirez, Heath Bell doesn’t walk behind the outfield wall to take care of his business. (AP Photo/Jeffrey Boan)

Final Score: Marlins 5, Nationals 3.

Dame of the Game:

Roger Bernadina: 1-2, 1 BB, 1 Sac Fly, 2 RBI. Shark attacks occasionally occur in the Miami area. Today we were witness to one of the worst ever recorded. While many have been murdered, dismembered, and other horrible things, the Marlins tonight experienced the worst of it, being mildly threatened by Bernadina in what turned out to ultimately be a losing effort on his part. A horrific and bloody scene, no doubt.

Shame of the Game:

Ryan Perry: .1 IP, 2 H, 1 ER. You tried pitching to Giancarlo Stanton. You are not an intelligent man.

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The Nationals must have hired a maid, because we’re no longer the ones doing the sweeping. One series after sweeping Atlanta, the Nationals got a taste of their own medicine at the hands of the Marlins. We’re not quite sure what caused this, but most likely some horrible mutation. Marlins should not have hands. Miami sits just a half game out of first, worrying fans there who know the only way to win a World Series in Miami is by not winning the division. They better start losing if they hope to reach the pinnacle of baseball. (Yes, that’s a convincing enough set of sentences to make them start purposely losing. You can thank me later, NL East.)

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Marlins Mar Grins: Mike Stants Tall as Nats Do Fall

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Celebrating is a very somber time for the Nationals. (AP Photo/Joel Auerbach)

Final Score: Marlins 5, Nationals 3.

Dame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann, The Hitter: 1-2, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Jordan Zimmermann is sick and tired of throwing 7 IP, allowing 1 ER, and not winning the game. He decided to take things into his own hands and power one out of the park.

Shame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann, The Pitcher: Loss, 6 IP, 8 H, 4 ER, 4 K. Sadly, it seems he is so sick of throwing 7 IP, allowing 1 ER, and not winning the game, that Zimm has decided to stop even coming close. It’s been three starts since his 4th 7IP/1ER outing of his season, and he doesn’t seem to be going back. His outlook on the game changed. If he couldn’t get support pitching so fantastically, maybe he could get support pitching dreadfully. I worry he’s going to be less like his rotation partners, and more like Jose Lima. He’ll begin to say “It’s Zima Time,” upsetting people greatly by not only letting them know a lot of runs are about to be given up, but also reminding them that Zima existed.

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Miami is all about clubbing. It has one of the best nightlife scenes around, and also one of the biggest men who clubs the furthest home runs anyone ever sees. Giancarlo Stanton is someone everybody wants on their team, and every day that passes that someone doesn’t have him they cry and cry. This has been how great baseball players have been measured throughout history. The better a player, the more tears shed by the entirety of MLB’s fans. There are exceptions however. When you see people crying about Tom Gorzelanny, they simply are weeping for that gene pool.

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2012 MLB Season Predictions

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Someone will win this.

Despite the first series of 2012 baseball having come to a close, it still is early enough to not know exactly what will end up happening as the season plays on. While many experts have already made their predictions, this blog has failed to do so up until this point. However that changes now, as below are my predictions for the standings and awards for the upcoming baseball season. As I said before, it’s hard to know what’s to come for sure. But I think after watching a weekend of baseball, I have as good an idea as anybody.

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