Tag Archives: giology

Giometry 101: Gio Pitches Circles Around Rockies

Gio Gonzalez’s shadow is a better pitcher than most pitcher’s actual bodies. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Rockies 1

Dame of the Game:

Gio Gonzalez: 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 H, 3 BB, 6 K. Gio’s ability to pitch effectively in extreme heat is surprising only until you remember that he is constantly giving off energy he channels from the earth’s hot magma core.

Shame of the Game:

Rockies Defense: 4 errors. The Rockies defenders just didn’t seem capable of catching, throwing, or spell-checking the two page papers on Giology they were supposed to hand in. Bad grades all around.


Hello class. Settle down, settle down.

The Giology Professor is out for the day with some kind of conference or terminal illness, they didn’t tell me which. I’ll be your substitute teacher for the day. My name is Mr. Neptooth. Here, let me write that on the board for you like it’s pronounced:

“Mr. Grrapfth-SHUHHNK-sog”

Say “hi, Mr. Neptooth.” No, that’s not right at all. Let’s just move on.

Now I know this is supposed to be a Giology class, but I don’t know much of anything about Giology. I am, however, an expert in Giometry, a related field, so instead I will give you a Giometry lecture.

I assume you are all familiar with Gio Gonzalez? Good, good. Yes, he is the most important area of study in the scientific and mathematics fields. You already know about his role in the the earth, its evolution, and its rocks. I will now tell you how he participates in the world of shapes. Continue reading

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Twentieth Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals vs. St. Louis Cardinal Numbers


After a strikeout, Ian Desmond gets in manager for the day Tony LaRussa's face, insisting the Cardinals throw slower and play fair.

The Washington Nationals had one of their worst games of the spring today as they lost 9-0 to the St. Louis Cardinals. Gio Gonzalez turned in a rocky outing, a tectonic shift from previous outings this spring. Hopefully this erosion doesn’t continue, and future Giology lessons prove to be more like what we saw earlier this year.

On of the offensive front, four people singled and two people walked. Sounds like an awkward high school party where there were 4 guys and 2 girls, and two of the guys had to leave, because the other guys and the girls were getting to first base. Raunchy stuff right there.

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