Tag Archives: girlfriends

After Loss to Atlanta, Nats Need to Take Mylanta

Roger Bernadina takes a nap and tries to wrap his arm around his girlfriend next to him, only to realize that she left him months ago for Rick Ankiel. (AP Photo/John Bazemore)

Final Score: Braves 2, Nationals 1

Dame of the Game:

Ross Detwiler: 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 H, 1 BB, 5 K. New nickname to add to his pile of nicknames: the Rosselot (Sir Rosselot?). Is Ross more catlike or doglike? You decide.

Shame of the Game:

Ian Desmond: 0-4, 2 K, Walk-Off Error. For Desmond’s 15th error of the year, let’s throw him a quinceanera party where everything goes wrong. Poisoned food, balloons that pop as soon as you inflate them, guests that thought they were going to an actual quinceanera party for one of their friends’ daughters, a cake that says “Congratulations on your latest failure!”, Ian Desmond’s presence.


This was a banner game for Nationals that I hate. Ian Desmond and Sean Burnett, two players who have on the whole redeemed themselves considerably in my usually-unforgiving eyes, combined to produce a bottom of the 9th that justified every negative thing I’ve ever said about them. First Sean fucked. Then Ian sucked. I shall henceforth refer to these two unsavory individuals as the Fuck-Suck Duo. Coming soon to an Independent League/brothel near you.

I can’t complain too much about them while the Nats are still 7.5 games up in the division and seemingly have their playoff spot locked up. Wait, they just lost again? WELL FUCK YOU SEAN AND IAN, FUCK YOU IN WHATEVER PLACE YOU LEAST WANT IT.


Let me take a moment to talk about Kris Medlen and his 13 strikeouts and continued sub-1 ERA as a starter.

Okay, the moment’s passed. Phew, that was an unpleasant conversation.

I have to say, as we head into the last half of September, I’m running out of jokes to make about this Nationals team. There’s only so many times I can make different versions of the same joke about–

Wait, I got one. Continue reading

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Chopping Wood and Making Marmolade: Nats Have Pals in Cubs Pen

Pat Listach demands that any Cub who reaches third base get down on both knees out of respect for him. Otherwise they don't get a high five.
(Nam Y. Huh / AP)

Final Score: Nationals 7, Cubs 4

Dame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 4-5, HR, 2R, 2RBI. LaRoche bounced back from an opening day that made fans wish he would just hurt himself forever with a truly “rocking” performance. Ha! French.

Shame of the Game:

Carlos Marmol: 0IP, 2 ER, 2BB, 2H. Kerry Wood was probably worse but he got this prestigious award yesterday and I’d hate to boost his ego too much. Besides, Wood got a Hold today, so that’s got to count for something.

The Cubs bullpen is great. I love it. I just can’t get enough of it. If the Cubs bullpen were my girlfriend, I’d propose to it on the spot. I would be perfectly happy having the Cubs bullpen blow leads for me for the rest of my life. I would not want any other bullpen. There’s just something about the twinkle in its eye when it comes into the 8th inning that says “Here. Have some runs. Take as many as you need!” Continue reading

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