Tag Archives: gold

Once, Twice, Three Times a Loser: Puerto Rico Cedes WBC to Dominicans, Surprising Nobody

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It turned out to be far too late to get out of the way of the seagull poop.

Final Score: Dominican Republic 3, Puerto Rico 0.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The 2013 World Baseball Classic.

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There are two types of people who don’t like the World Baseball Classic. People who don’t smile, and comedy blog writers who are creating posts that parallel historic events between nations. We fall more into the latter, although I’ve had trouble raising the corners of my mouth since Game 5.

The WBC Final was a matchup between the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico, two teams who had already met twice before in this tournament. We had already run thin on metaphors given the surprisingly limited series of conflicts between the two nearby islands, exaggerating some unwanted immigration for the first matchup and then basically fabricating a battle over tourism for the 2nd DR-PR meeting. So for the third and final all-Caribbean faceoff we had to think outside the box. And we thought so outside the box that we came all the way back inside the box.

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Win-mills: Dutch Grind Out Another Win Vs. Favorite

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After a long, frustrating search, the athletic trainer for the Netherlands found the baseball they lost in the woods.

Final Score: Netherlands 6, Cuba 2.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Piet Hein’s capturing of a Spanish treasure fleet in Havana harbors.

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Cuba knew, even before Thursday’s game, not to take the Dutch for granted. Much like the captured Dutch cabin boy who in the 1620s warned the Spaniards of a Dutch attack on Cuba’s harbors shortly before it came, the Dutch underdog victories in 2006 and 2009 had alerted Cuba that the Netherlands were out to conquer all.

In 1628, Dutch Admiral Piet Pieterszoon Hein…for those of who didn’t read that name once, please: Piet Pieterszoon Hein…thank you…commanded a fleet in an effort to raid a Spanish treasure fleet in a Cuban harbor. There was great wealth to be had and beautiful prizes to be claimed, much like the World Baseball Classic championship trophy. The mindset of the Dutch people has not changed in nearly 400 years. It continues to be, “Get everything shiny, and that’s enough for me.”

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NLDS Game 2: Buschwhacked

At a disgusted Davey Johnson’s request, Sean Burnett tries to rip his nose off. (AP Photo/Jeff Roberson)

Did the Nats win: Uhh…no.

Was it fun to watch: Is it fun to watch your entire family be instantly incinerated in a car accident?

Visceral Emotion of the Game: I feel like I’m dying a little bit inside. Wait, maybe it’s just a cold? No, no. Definitely dying.

Back when I used to dabble with the bats and balls myself, I had a coach who always used the same encouraging words when the team would go down 1-0 early in a game. “If you never score a run you’re not going to win anyway.” This was, logically, true. And it was comforting even though it omitted the fact that it was now impossible to win the game without scoring two runs.

When we gave up four runs early, the line had to be modified. “If you don’t score four runs in a game, you don’t deserve to win anyway.” This statement was less logical–after all, how do we know whether anyone deserves anything? What does it even mean to “deserve” something, in a world without karma or absolute good or reasonable grading for my English papers or an appropriate number of sexual partners given my impeccable taste in sweatpants? But after I got past my teenage existential crisis, this too was comforting. Four runs seems like a reasonable amount of runs to get in a game.

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