Tag Archives: golf

Nats Sign Two to Minor League Deals

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And one of them likes to play golf. I hope he doesn’t blow late season games just to get out on the course.

While the following moves happened a few days ago, they are still worth noting. Especially since nothing else is happening for the Nationals aside from Adam LaRoche saying he wants 3 years, Mike Rizzo saying he won’t budge from two years, and that process repeating again and again. It’s like some terrible sitcom that has an overdone, recycled plot for many of its episodes and ends up going nowhere. Well hopefully the LaRoche saga, as well as How I Met Your Mother, will both be over soon.

The Nationals have signed Mike Costanzo and Matt Torra to minor league deals. Costanzo immediately brings to mind George Costanza. They clearly have the same unfortunate luck, as Costanzo spent some time with the Phillies in his career. He had a cup of coffee in the majors, only it was bitter and instead of cream contained many tears. Costanzo had 21 plate appearances for the Reds and did not produce much. But hopefully, with some semi-decent career minor league numbers, Costanzo can do something for this organization that isn’t just sparking ideas for new Seinfeld jokes.

Matt Torra was part of the impressive draft class of Justin Upton, Alex Gordon, Ryan Braun, Ricky Romero, Troy Tulowitzki, Andrew McCutchen, Jay Bruce, and our own Ryan Zimmerman. Sadly, he was none of those people. Having been drafted 31st overall in 2005, Torra’s career has been less than stellar to this point. But while his stats may not be that good, we’re stuck with him now. No, releasing is not an option for Torra. Why you ask? Well if we dropped the Torra, we’d have to fast for 40 days. And Ben’s Chili Bowl is far too delicious to do that.

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The Moore-al of the Story: Home Runs Help Get Wins

Bryce Harper practices his right-handed golf swing. I think his hands are mixed up, though. (Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Mets 3

Dame of the Game: 

Tyler Moore: 1-1, HR, 2 RBI, R. [Bonus Moore pun] Every time Moore does something good from now on, I’m going to describe it as a “Moore-ality play.” Ideally the Nats would do the same and have him battle the seven deadly sins as he rounds the bases before being greeted happily by the Virtues as he reaches home.

Shame of the Game:

Frank Francisco: 0 IP, 2 ER, 3 H, BB. San Francisco’s younger brother just never could measure up. The elder sibling became a great American city, while the younger became a bad pitcher for a bad team.

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Davey Johnson said after last night’s game that it’s “time to be looking at magic numbers.” Now, in any other context, that would be taken as the mad ramblings of a senile old man or the drugged musings of an LSD user (or in the case of Davey Johnson, probably both). I mean, “magic numbers”? Numbers tend not to have any magical properties, for two reasons: 1) they are really just abstract concepts and thus cannot have physical properties at all that could be magical, and 2) no things actually have magical properties because magic doesn’t exist. Furthermore, the idea that one could “look at” “magic numbers–things that are not viewable and couldn’t exist even if they were–seems preposterous. Continue reading

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Eighth Wonder of the World: Nats’ Eight Game Winning Streak Rivals Pyramids, Colossus

I know Jayson Werth is extremely huggable, Stephen, but there’s a time and a place. (Photo by Norm Hall/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 6, Diamondbacks 5

Dame of the Game:

Jayson Werth: 2-4, R, RBI, BB. Werth has been pretty good since coming back from the disabled list. So good it makes me want to give him $126 million. Well, not actually.

Shame of the Game:

Wade Miley: 4.1 IP, 6 R, 4 ER, 9 H, BB, 2 K. Miley’s not smiley.

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Last year, it was a big deal when the Nats won eight games in a row. Now, it’s a bit…pass√©. Seems to happen every couple weeks. Especially playing eight games against teams that would probably lose eight straight games against any team that hadn’t already given up on the season and was using their at-bats to practice their golf swings.

Sapping more of the excitement out of this streak is the fact that the Braves have also won most of their last eight games, presumably just to annoy us. The Braves just keep sticking around at about four games back, like a remora fish on our Sharkadina-led juggernaut. As long as this relationship stays commensal, I won’t complain too much. But don’t you DARE start being parasites, Atlanta. We will FUCK YOU UP. Continue reading

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