Tag Archives: hair

Nationals Trade for Scott Hairston

Image

Scott tries to intimidate umpires by attempting to swallow them whole. He has yet to swallow any umpires.

The Nationals have acquired Scott Hairston from the Cubs in exchange for a currently unnamed minor-league pitcher. No, it’s not someone they haven’t announced to the public, it’s an actual person with no name. He had hoped to be drafted by the Yankees years ago, so it wouldn’t pose a problem with putting the player’s name on the back of the jersey. Unfortunately he had no such luck.

Hairston gives them a powerful right handed bat who is related to Jerry Hairston Jr. And as we all know, a team isn’t an all around force until they have someone related to Jerry Hairston Jr. He has been worth almost -1 WAR this season, so he’s probably another piece towards ensuring we never escape floating around .500.

Oddly enough, Hairston has no hair. Anywhere.

UPDATE: The pitcher the Cubs are receiving is Ivan Pineyro. He seems like a decently talented minor league prospect, plus he has hair. I don’t know why you’d trade someone with hair for someone without. You don’t want to ruin the Nationals gene pool.

Advertisements
Tagged , , ,

When in Rome, Do as the Romans Do: Lose

I think that guy on the right with the long hair and the grim face is Silvio Berlusconi in disguise.

I think that guy on the right with the long hair, the evil mustache and the grim face is Silvio Berlusconi in disguise.

Final Score: United States 6, Italy 2

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: An oldie but a goodie: World War II

——–

Hey, remember that time Italians were fascists?

Heh. Silly Italians.

Now, I know I’ve already covered the Italian Campaign in pointing out Canada’s lackluster role in the whole affair. But I do think it’s worth stressing the extent to which Italy got absolutely clobbered in this war, then slathered onto a tank sandwich between two slices of the U.S. and Nazi Germany.

The big blow in the campaign was undoubtedly the American-led capture of the island of Sicily. That event also happens to be recalled by a similar occurrence in Saturday’s U.S.-Italy WBC game: David Wright’s fifth inning grand slam off hopeless Tampa Bay Rays reliever Matt Torres. In 1943, the U.S. had its Mediterranean bases filled with ground, air, and naval forces. The invasion of Sicily, like Wright’s home run, cleared those bases and would eventually lead to a decisive American victory.

Big shout out here to our very own Ross Detwiler, whose 4 shutout innings made him the Dwight Eisenhower of this game. I hope to see Ross taking many trips around the warning track this season in the jumbo Ike costume we’re sending him as a reward.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Well Mets: Nats Happy to See, Beat Funniest Team in Baseball

The ball wasn’t even moving, and they still ended up like this trying to get it. (Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 8, Mets 2

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-4, HR, 3 RBI, 2 R, BB. Bryce, Bryce baby.

Shame of the Game:

Pedro Beato: .1 IP, 4 ER, 4 H, BB. Bless you. Bless you. Bless you. Oh, were you so horrible because you sneezed every time you tried to throw a pitch?

——–

Ah, The Mets. They’re not that bad, really. Their actual baseball talent level this year is better than most people expected it to be. Their ability to lose baseball games in the most hilarious and soul-annihilating-to-their-fans ways possible, however, is exactly what people expected it to be: fantastic. They’re the best. No one can top them at this highly not-coveted skill. They are the baseball team equivalent of a sad clown.

The Nats had a lovely evening out at the circus last night. The whole event wasn’t a comedy, of course. They spent the first 9 innings admiring the impressive skills of the performers, who kept the game tied at two through some tight rope-walking by starter Chris Young and impressive feats of strength from strongmen David Wright and Ike Davis. They even had a bearded lady named R.A. Dickey. Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,