Tag Archives: hands

Nationals Sign Dan Haren

Image

Taken moments after a good hand lick.

There are benefits and downsides to sleeping late. On the plus side I feel more rested, I let my sore muscles recuperate, and I spend less time awake still unable to escape the horrible thoughts of game 5 of the NLDS. The horror.

But on the downside people tend to have the nerve to move on with the world while I’m unaware of what’s going on. This morning I woke up to some news that was already hours old. That news is of course that the Nationals have signed Dan Haren to a 1 year, 13 million dollar contract, pending a physical. What am I supposed to do now? It’s hard to draw interest to a story like this when so many have already been written. I need something to attract people. Maybe a few key words will draw a new crowd in, some popular terms that many people search. I’ll just toss a few right in here:

Obama, boobs, Lindsay Lohan, Facebook, colonoscopies, alien mud men, fiscal cliff, The Hobbit, Christmas, Bryce Harper penis (according to our blog’s analytics that is a very popular search), and juice boxes.

Hopefully that gets a new crowd of people to stumble upon this story.

Continue reading

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Wizards Lose Wizard Battle

This was some crazy wizbiz.

Final Score: Pacers 96, Wizards 89

Dame of the Game: The guy that brushes down the court every time someone falls over.

Shame of the Game: The kids they let play on the court at halftime seemed pretty bad.

——

I went to a Washington Wizards game last night. I’m still not entirely sure why.

They certainly didn’t win. In fact, they were losing the whole time. At one point, they were almost not losing! But then they were losing again.

Very few other people made the same decision as me. I guess they knew better from past experience or something.

The crowd was either very resistant to following instructions or didn’t have tongues or hands.

Here’s my analysis of what happened: the Wizards definitely played basketball against the other team. But for all the times they got points, the Pacers got points even more times and, well, that was that. What a basket. What a ball.

—–

I hope you enjoyed this NBA-related post from a real basketball expert (me) and that you will continue to tune into The Zimmerman(n) Telegram for all your live up-to-the-minute all-you-need-to-know-about-hoops basketball coverage needs. 

Tagged , , , , , ,

NLDS Game 1: Moore’s Utopia

Image

“Ooo, they are cold!” (AP Photo/Jeff Roberson)

Did the Nats win: Depends what you mean by win.

Was it fun to watch: When I wasn’t gouging my eyes out.

Visceral Emotion of the Game: Oh no oh no oh no oh no WAIT OH YEAH OH YEAH!!!

Sometimes things take a while to get going. It takes time for an oven to heat up, it takes time for me to muster up the courage to look at a picture of Tom Gorzelanny, and it takes time for the Nationals to realize that they should stop doing so poorly in the biggest game in this team’s history. But you know, that’s easy to forget to do. Despite getting out on top early on, the Nationals did not play at a major league level. They didn’t even play at a Houston Astros level.

This game was all about incompetence. 2 of the 3 lead changes were not thanks to impressive baseball skill, but rather miserable failure. Well, one of the failures was miserable. The other might have seemed like a silly thing to do, but in reality helped the more powerful group claim what they wanted. I would compare Pete Kozma’s error to appeasement towards the Nazis. It gave the Nats just a little, after which they took a lot. Now I don’t really like comparing the Nationals to the Nazis. But just like the Nazis, the Nationals don’t support smoking within their homeland, so there certainly are similarities.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,