Tag Archives: heat

Braves’ New World: Hudson Explores Well-Charted Route Down Plate Before Being Sunk

Mike Morse had never realized there was a plate below him to measure the strikezone until today. (AP Photo/David Tulis)

Final Score: Nationals 8, Braves 4.

Dame of the Game:

Ryan Zimmerman: 3-5, 2 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 4 RBI. Zim, Zim, he’s our man. If he can’t do it, no one can! I am of course referring to Don Zimmer in this case. As for what he’s doing so successfully, I’m obviously talking about being a cuddly play thing that will certainly not give you nightmares.

Shame of the Game:

Tim Hudson: Loss, 6 IP, 8 H, 2 BB, 5 ER, 4 K. On a hot day like today, some pitchers would have trouble gripping the ball due to watery perspiration. However this should be no excuse for Hudson’s poor performance. I mean it’s a river, I figured it would be used to water.

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On a day that all-stars were announced, it is clear that Strasburg, Gonzalez and Desmond not only earned the right to play in the game, but also took on the properties of a star. Something on that field made it unbearably hot, and I can only assume it was Ian Desmond in his Red Giant phase. But the Nats and Braves played on despite water dripping down their faces, the sun turning their skin red, and Davey Johnson rocking a bikini which he claimed help cool him off. Don’t believe me? Well I would say take a look at this actual, not faked photo…but I don’t want to scar all of you forever.

Eh, whatever:

Oh…

I’m so sorry.

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Symphony in M. Minor: Braves Outplay Nats Despite Flat Starting Pitcher

No one likes to sit near David Ross cause he looks like he’d kill anyone who tried. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

Final Score: Braves 7, Nationals 5

Dame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-3, 2 2B, 2 R, RBI, 2 BB, K. Deck the halls with Adam LaRoche. Fa la la la la, la la LaRoche.

Shame of the Game:

Chien-Ming Wang: 2 IP, 4 ER, 5 H. Stephen Strasburg left the game due to heat stroke. I hope Chien-Ming Wang left the game due to normal stroke.

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So apparently it was really hot in Atlanta. I wouldn’t know, being in DC, where it was just slightly less really hot. Of course, I stayed within the friendly confines of very-much-conditioned air, oblivious to the maelstrom of flame that no doubt would have greeted me had I set a foot outside my door. As such, I have NO SYMPATHY whatsoever for Stephen Strasburg, who departed after three innings due to “heat exhaustion.” His untimely exit led to two innings of quintessentially latter-day Wangian baseball, by which I mean Chien-Ming Wang gave up a lot of runs.

Clearly we need to toughen Strasburg up. This is the second time this year that he’s left a game because part or all of him was too hot–first the groin, then the whole country (sounds like a strange call to revolution). How should we go about the toughening? To prepare him for the former problem, I’m sure there are some CIA people the Nats can call up to give Strasburg a quick lesson on the finer points of genital-based interrogation. As for the entire-body heat issue, perhaps forcing him to go to work for a few sweltering days in a full suit and tie, like everyone else in DC, would do the trick. If not, there’s always boiling oil. Let the Nats trainers know about these great ideas if you see them. Continue reading

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