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One Win, Two Loss, Reds Win, Blue Fish: A Reds Series Recap

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We’re not sure if someone made a joke, or if Davey just finds his full diaper to be warm and comforting.

You might be asking yourself, “What is this series recap for? Why no individual game recaps? Where are my pants?” The answers: Less work for us but a higher quality of posts, don’t worry we’ll still be doing them on occasion, and I took them. But lets not worry about pants and crimes. Let’s worry about baseball, specifically the series between the Nationals and Reds over the weekend.

Game 1:

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Harper waits to be informed of the weather using the time-trusted method of fans sticking their hands out to see if its raining.

Reds 15, Nationals 0.

If you’re a big Nats fan like me, you really enjoyed watching…whatever was on the first channel I could turn to in order to get away from this horrible terrible game. Unless of course you couldn’t find the remote, and you were too lazy or obese to move from the couch to turn away from this hellish game. Sorry you had to endure that, Livan.

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Jordan Zimmermann’s Bizarre World: Nats Start Good, End Bad, Imitate Mass Effect 3

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Todd Helton is doing something so blatantly wrong in this picture. Don’t hit it right at the catcher, send it down the line! Rookie. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Rockies 4, Nationals 3.

Dame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann: 7 IP, 3 H, 2 BB, 1 ER, 2 K. Despite a thorough fucking of the Rockies, Zimmermann did not receive a win. This example alone should make sabremetrics the clear victor over traditional statistics as a value of what makes a good player.

Shame of the Game:

Sean Burnett: 0 IP, 3 H, 2 ER. Despite a thorough fucking of the house, Burnett did not receive a loss. Nevermind, THIS example alone should make sabremetrics the clear victor over traditional statistics as a value of what makes a good player.

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Host: It’s time to play Family Feud! Let’s get started, give me Jim, give me Davey. Let’s go!

Host: 100 people surveyed, top 5 answers on the board. Name a way you blew Sunday’s game.

*Davey buzzes in*

Davey: Bringing Sean Burnett in.

Host: Show me “Bringing Sean Burnett in!”

*Board reveals that as 5th best answer*

Host: Will you play or pass?

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