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Sit ’em Down John, Sit ’em Down John: Lannan Shuts Mets Out in Return

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I am blessed with fame yet again.

Final Score: Nationals 2, Mets 0.

Dame of the Game:

John Lannan: Win, 5.2 IP, 5 H, 1 BB, 2 K, 0 R. Stephen who? In his third start of the year, Lannan pitched excellently to lower his ERA to 2.41. What’s that? Oh yes that’s right, Strasburg. Stephen Strasburg…….god I still miss him.

Shame of the Game:

Jon Rauch: 1 IP, 1 H, 1 ER, 1 K. Rauch immediately allowed an important insurance home run to Desmond upon entering. We can all thank him for his first useful contribution to the world since getting that jar down from the top shelf thanks to his height.

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I might be the first person in history to say, “that sure was a fun Mets game, I’ll happily go again soon!” After seeing the Nationals play in Queens on Monday, I decided to go back for Wednesday’s game. It was a thrilling experience, one that I will never forget. Unlike Mets fans, who down a pill bottle after each game to try and develop some sort of amnesia to escape the pain. I took the subway out from Manhattan and found it to be packed. Am I in for a raucous crowd tonight? The answer clearly became “no,” as many of them left 2 stops before proving themselves to be commuters. That “no” was further solidified as I walked past the parking lot, no longer being used as spillover for the US Open.

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An empty parking lot. That makes more sense. Also, a thumb.

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This Goes to Eleven: Nats Tap Spineless Astros for Win

Final Score: Nationals 5, Astros 4.

Dame of the Game:

Roger Bernadina: 1-1, 1 R. Bernadina scored the winning run in the 11th, running through Bo Porter’s stop sign. I hope we’ve all learned the lesson to never listen to Bo Porter ever again, and also to never listen to stop signs. Just go home as quick as you can and you’ll probably make it.

Shame of the Game:

Steve Pearce and Brian Bogusevic: 2 horrible errors on 1 horrible play. These two men botched two consecutive throws on a bunt in the 11th, allowing the Nats to take the lead. I guess you could say they threw the game. Ha ha ha. But seriously, if they did then that is a serious matter that should result in fines and/or bans.

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14 hits, 14 singles. Never have the Nationals experienced this since attending a strip club for the duration of 14 hit songs while being terrible tippers. But tonight the Nats experienced that combination of hits and singles again, only on the baseball field. Of course this time no strippers were involved. At least I hope so. Davey Johnson in that speedo is really a frightening sight.

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