Tag Archives: horses

Current Nationals in Playgirl

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Hot.

Above you see (or don’t see if you cover your eyes like any reasonable person would do) Steve McCatty, mostly naked. Earlier today, Baseball Prospectus published an article detailing a 1980s Playgirl featuring Major League Baseball players and their sexy scouting reports.

Well believe it or not, magazines are still around. Including Playgirl. And I just so happened to be looking through one for more Steve McCatty pictures when I found something interesting… It turns out that a lot of the current Nationals players also posed in Playgirl, just recently. Below I’ve included some of the photos, and some of their scouting reports.

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An Anthropological Study of the Met Fan, Assuming There Are Any

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Oh wow, a full parking lot? Two hours before the game? Man these fans must be dedica…oh wait, that’s probably just people parking for the US Open across the street.

Final Score: Nationals 5, Mets 1.

Dame of the Game:

Gio Gonzalez: Win, 6 IP, 3 H, 5 BB, 1 ER, 6 K. Tonight can be best described as “Gio Gone Wild.” Gio was not in a proper mindset, doing crazy things that didn’t reflect well on him. But he still gave pleasure to millions of people watching. If only he had flashed his breasts too.

Shame of the Game:

Kelly Shoppach: 0-3, 1 E. Shoppach dropped an easy foul ball by Kurt Suzuki. And you know what they say. You never give Kurt Suzuki a second chance. Unless you’re the Nationals, who gave Kurt Suzuki a second chance after Oakland. Kurt homered, and Zim did as well shortly after, as Kelly looked on regretting the biggest mistake he’s ever made.

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About two weeks ago, my writing partner took a trip to Philadelphia during which he filed this report. It was an insightful look into an unfamiliar territory, although I wouldn’t recommend looking again because some of those fans are just so grotesque. I thought it would be a fantastic idea to continue to expose our readers to fanbases they may not have seen in their own element before.

On Monday night, I went to Citi Field to see the Nationals play the Mets. I expected to see multiple signs that said “garage sale,” looking to raise funds for their losses to Bernie Madoff, but was surprisingly met by people carrying on as normal. I entered the stadium and began to take note of what I saw. My report is detailed below.

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Johan-nes Bombs: Santana Composes Very Flat Work

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Morse just loves the smell of his finger. …I don’t want to know where it’s been. (Photo by Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 6, Mets 4.

Dame of the Game:

Mike Morse: 1-4, 1 R, 1 HR, 4 RBI. The horse had just one hit. But does this mean he had a bad performance? Neigh!

Shame of the Game:

Johan Santana: Loss, 5 IP, 7 H, 6 ER, 4 K. Yo Han, maybe focus a bit more on quality pitching and a bit less on smuggling goods throughout space. Although it is very important for baseball players to learn a profession to use for after retirement. Scratch what I just said.

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Mike Morse and Johan Santana have taken two different paths back from injury; Morse has taken the path of success, while Johan has taken the path of playing for the Mets. His supporting cast aside, Johan has done poorly on his own, notably going 0-5 with a 15.63 ERA in his last five starts. When asked what was causing these problems, Johan just kept claiming that he thought it was Opposite Day. This wouldn’t usually work, but considering that most people running things in baseball have the mental capacity of a five year old, everyone seemed fine with letting Johan continue to pitch.

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Which One of You Had That “Morse the Horse” Sign?

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You may remember a few weeks ago I wrote a post entitled, “Morse is a Horse, Of Course, Of Course.” In tonight’s Nationals game, after Morse homered, a fan was shown holding up a sign that said nearly that very same sentence. We ask you, our loyal readers, to help us identify this person. If they are a loyal reader of this blog, then we will applaud them for their creative sign making efforts, and acknowledge them on the site. You may know we appreciate those good signs, as seen here. If they are not a loyal reader though, then WE WILL SUE FOR COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT SO GET YOUR LAWYER READY.

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Morse Is A Horse, Of Course, Of Course: Mike Stands Tall Over Braves

“Hmm… tastes like… a jersey…” (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Braves 4.

Dame of the Game:

Mike Morse: 4-4, 3 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. The Code turned things around and cracked something himself. That something was a tiebreaking home run in the 8th to put the Nats on top for good. Morse apparently called his shot beforehand, but I thought at the time that drawing lines and dots in the dirt was just an unnecessarily long at-bat ritual.

Shame of the Game:

Chad Durbin: Loss, .2 IP, 2 H 1 ER, 1 K. Durbin: a word made up of the words “dur,” commonly heard by Chad after doing something dumb while pitching, and “bin,” representing a trash bin in which Durbin’s pitches belong. Durbin. Dur.

Bin.

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Today was in large part about Mike Morse. You can tell by the title of this post, which of course relates to the old TV show Mr. Ed. To honor Michael’s big day, I have rewritten the lyrics for the theme to that show:

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Morse is a horse, of course, of course,

And no one can sock like Morse, of course,

That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. Ed (Mathews).

Go right to the source and ask Mike Morse,

He’ll give you the homer that you’ll endorse.

He’s always on a steady course.

Gawk at Mr. Morse.

People whackkity-whack the balls, into gloves they stray.

But Mr. Morse will never swing unless he can hit it far away.

Morse is a horse, of course, of course,

And Mike will hit with a great big force.

You never heard of a socking Morse?

Well listen to this: “I’m Michael Morse.”

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