Tag Archives: hot dogs

One Win, Two Loss, Reds Win, Blue Fish: A Reds Series Recap

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We’re not sure if someone made a joke, or if Davey just finds his full diaper to be warm and comforting.

You might be asking yourself, “What is this series recap for? Why no individual game recaps? Where are my pants?” The answers: Less work for us but a higher quality of posts, don’t worry we’ll still be doing them on occasion, and I took them. But lets not worry about pants and crimes. Let’s worry about baseball, specifically the series between the Nationals and Reds over the weekend.

Game 1:

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Harper waits to be informed of the weather using the time-trusted method of fans sticking their hands out to see if its raining.

Reds 15, Nationals 0.

If you’re a big Nats fan like me, you really enjoyed watching…whatever was on the first channel I could turn to in order to get away from this horrible terrible game. Unless of course you couldn’t find the remote, and you were too lazy or obese to move from the couch to turn away from this hellish game. Sorry you had to endure that, Livan.

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Gio Wilikers: Gonzalez is Surprisingly Good With Bat and Normally Good With Ball

This sunset is decidedly not a metaphor for the start of baseball season, and is thus useless to me.

This lovely sunset is decidedly not a metaphor for the start of baseball season, and is thus useless to me.

Final Score: Nationals 3, Marlins 0

Belle of the Ball: Gio Gonzalez. Gio clearly knows that nothing dispels allegations of steroid use like a sharp uptick in home run rate.

Smell of the Ball: Ian Desmond. How could anyone other than Desmond receive my first ever Smell of the Ball award? And with an 0-4-with-an-error performance in the game, his pungency was particularly putrid.

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, we’re back. Back at Nationals Park, the site of such much joy and pain on a cold October night just under half a year ago. The dull ache of Game 5 was acutely resurrected as I passed through the center field gates, but this time it was accompanied with the promise of another wildly successful season (minus the crushing disappointment at its conclusion, ideally).

Some things at Nationals Park were different, but many more were just the same as I left them. Here’s one thing that was the same: it was still really fucking cold. Honestly, Washington DC, you had six months to come up with some kind of weather that isn’t extremely unpleasant to watch a baseball game in, and you totally failed.

One thing that made this night-after-the-end-of-Passover different from all other nights was that on this night, hot dogs cost $1. I decided to take advantage of the theoretically appealing opportunity at the start of the third inning. Unfortunately, $1 hot dogs must have some kind of universal appeal, because the entirety of Nationals Park decided to avoid all other concession options and flock to the usually-deserted Nats Dogs stand. I waited in that line for three entire innings of fortunately uneventful baseball. Continue reading

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Spain and Gain: Dominicans “Rock” Spain, Make Their “Mark”

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An effort to get the hot dog vendor’s attention falls short for Carlos Santana.

Final Score: Dominican Republic 6, Spain 3.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The Dominican Restoration War.

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The Dominican Republic is not the feared baseball nation it once was. Its national pride has taken a hit as the team has struggled in the past two WBCs. And what’s even worse is that Dominicans no longer have impressive website making skills to fall back on. Coming into their game vs. Spain they might as well have changed their name to the Dominican’t Republic. Or the Diminishedcan Republic. Or the Shitty Dominican Republic. Any of those clever names work.

But historically all it takes for the DR to get their national pride back is a good ol’ whipping of Spain. From 1863 to 1865, the Dominicans and Spain fought in the Dominican Restoration War, a conflict where a rebellious Dominicans aimed to reclaim their territory from Spain. The Dominican players followed in their ancestors’ footsteps by doing everything they could to evict Spain from the baseball field territory, most notably turning on the sprinklers and passive-aggressively shouting leave during a brief 4th inning delay. Eventually the groundskeepers found the off switch.

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