Tag Archives: hugs

The Ghost of Haren-hal: Formerly Good Pitcher Assassinates Nats’ Chances of Sweep

Game 1:

Jordan Zimmermann knows that in Kurt Suzuki's embrace, he will find a new definition of pain and suffering as he is slowly hugged to death over a thousand years.

Jordan Zimmermann knows that in Kurt Suzuki’s embrace, he will find a new definition of pain and suffering as he is slowly hugged to death over a thousand years.

Nationals 10, Marlins 3

This game was as it should be. The Nationals played the Marlins. The Nationals beat the Marlins, by a lot. The world was in harmony; children laughed and played and there were no sad people at all except for Marlins fans, so there were no sad people.

The end. Continue reading

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Eighth Wonder of the World: Nats’ Eight Game Winning Streak Rivals Pyramids, Colossus

I know Jayson Werth is extremely huggable, Stephen, but there’s a time and a place. (Photo by Norm Hall/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 6, Diamondbacks 5

Dame of the Game:

Jayson Werth: 2-4, R, RBI, BB. Werth has been pretty good since coming back from the disabled list. So good it makes me want to give him $126 million. Well, not actually.

Shame of the Game:

Wade Miley: 4.1 IP, 6 R, 4 ER, 9 H, BB, 2 K. Miley’s not smiley.

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Last year, it was a big deal when the Nats won eight games in a row. Now, it’s a bit…passé. Seems to happen every couple weeks. Especially playing eight games against teams that would probably lose eight straight games against any team that hadn’t already given up on the season and was using their at-bats to practice their golf swings.

Sapping more of the excitement out of this streak is the fact that the Braves have also won most of their last eight games, presumably just to annoy us. The Braves just keep sticking around at about four games back, like a remora fish on our Sharkadina-led juggernaut. As long as this relationship stays commensal, I won’t complain too much. But don’t you DARE start being parasites, Atlanta. We will FUCK YOU UP. Continue reading

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Morse Is A Horse, Of Course, Of Course: Mike Stands Tall Over Braves

“Hmm… tastes like… a jersey…” (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Braves 4.

Dame of the Game:

Mike Morse: 4-4, 3 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. The Code turned things around and cracked something himself. That something was a tiebreaking home run in the 8th to put the Nats on top for good. Morse apparently called his shot beforehand, but I thought at the time that drawing lines and dots in the dirt was just an unnecessarily long at-bat ritual.

Shame of the Game:

Chad Durbin: Loss, .2 IP, 2 H 1 ER, 1 K. Durbin: a word made up of the words “dur,” commonly heard by Chad after doing something dumb while pitching, and “bin,” representing a trash bin in which Durbin’s pitches belong. Durbin. Dur.

Bin.

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Today was in large part about Mike Morse. You can tell by the title of this post, which of course relates to the old TV show Mr. Ed. To honor Michael’s big day, I have rewritten the lyrics for the theme to that show:

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Morse is a horse, of course, of course,

And no one can sock like Morse, of course,

That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. Ed (Mathews).

Go right to the source and ask Mike Morse,

He’ll give you the homer that you’ll endorse.

He’s always on a steady course.

Gawk at Mr. Morse.

People whackkity-whack the balls, into gloves they stray.

But Mr. Morse will never swing unless he can hit it far away.

Morse is a horse, of course, of course,

And Mike will hit with a great big force.

You never heard of a socking Morse?

Well listen to this: “I’m Michael Morse.”

Continue reading

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