Tag Archives: human sacrifice

NLDS Game 1: Moore’s Utopia


“Ooo, they are cold!” (AP Photo/Jeff Roberson)

Did the Nats win: Depends what you mean by win.

Was it fun to watch: When I wasn’t gouging my eyes out.

Visceral Emotion of the Game: Oh no oh no oh no oh no WAIT OH YEAH OH YEAH!!!

Sometimes things take a while to get going. It takes time for an oven to heat up, it takes time for me to muster up the courage to look at a picture of Tom Gorzelanny, and it takes time for the Nationals to realize that they should stop doing so poorly in the biggest game in this team’s history. But you know, that’s easy to forget to do. Despite getting out on top early on, the Nationals did not play at a major league level. They didn’t even play at a Houston Astros level.

This game was all about incompetence. 2 of the 3 lead changes were not thanks to impressive baseball skill, but rather miserable failure. Well, one of the failures was miserable. The other might have seemed like a silly thing to do, but in reality helped the more powerful group claim what they wanted. I would compare Pete Kozma’s error to appeasement towards the Nazis. It gave the Nats just a little, after which they took a lot. Now I don’t really like comparing the Nationals to the Nazis. But just like the Nazis, the Nationals don’t support smoking within their homeland, so there certainly are similarities.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2012 Nationals Player Profile: Stephen Strasburg


Strasburg, after enjoying a Stras-berry Pie.

Stephen Strasburg is the most exciting player on the Nationals. So exciting that people in the food industry take notice. Back in 2010, around the time of Strasburg’s major league debut, a DC location of The Burger Joint unveiled the “Strasburger.” The burger had features that represented many of the stops of Strasburg’s career up to that point. There was of course a beef patty and bun, but also a hot dog that represented Strasburg’s pro baseball debut with the Phoenix Desert Dogs, “Syracuse orange” cheddar cheese that reflected his time in the Nats minor league system in Syracuse, and 14 pickles, one for every strikeout in his major league debut.

While The Burger Joint’s efforts were in the right place, I feel that we should honor Strasburg with a burger that reflects more of the man he is, and what he’s accomplished on the diamond.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

2012 Nationals Player Profile: Brad Lidge

Pride cometh before the Fall Classic

Hubris. It has been the ruin of many of humanity’s greatest figures. Odysseus, defying Poseidon and shouting his true name to the cyclops Polyphemus. Napoleon, leading the grand armée into a wintry death in Russia. Davey Johnson, drinking one non-alcoholic beer too many on his 43rd birthday. On October 17, 2005, a new name was added to this ignominious list: Brad Lidge.

In 2004 and 2005, Brad Lidge was homerically good, posting ERA+s of 230 and 185, respectively. In the second of those years, his Houston Astros made it to the NLCS, where they took a commanding 3-1 series lead over the St. Louis Cardinals. With the Astros up 4-2 with two outs it the ninth, Lidge was one strike away from sending his team to the World Series. Lidge instead decided, presumably for the sake of extra drama, that he would allow two baserunners to bring Albert Pujols to the plate as the go-ahead run. After getting a first pitch strike, Lidge used his intra-baseball-player-telepathy that all baseball players have to talk to Albert Pujols: Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , ,

2012 Nationals Player Profile: Yunesky Maya

A picture found taped to the inside of Yunesky Maya's locker

Yunesky Maya is vying for the Nationals’ fifth starter spot, and he doesn’t have an easy path to get it: the formidable quintet of John Lannan, Chien-Ming Wang, Tom Gorzelanny,  Ross Detwiler and Craig Stammen stands in his way. But a job at the back end of the Nationals’ rotation isn’t the only thing that Yunesky Maya wants, not if his last name is anything to go by. No, Yunesky Maya has greater ambitions, and they probably involve raising the severed heads of his defeated opponents from atop the great pyramid of Chichen Itza.  Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,