Tag Archives: Izzy Alcantara

Nats’ Bats Cole-d: Awful Pun is Only Thing to Smile About After Loss

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Shane Victorino desperately tries to avoid touching second base. I guess he just wasn’t in the mood. (AP Photo/H. Rumph Jr)

Final Score: Phillies 4, Nationals 1.

Dame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 1-4, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Adam LaRoche produced the only runs today. One was the home run, the other was that brown stain running down Papelbon’s backside after being embarrassed.

Shame of the Game:

Cole Hamels: Win, 8 IP, 4 H, 3 BB, 0 R, 8 K. In the past we’ve given this award to people who have done so bad on the opposing team that they gave the Nationals a win. When you think about it, we should be praising those people, and shaming people like Cole Hamels who kept the Nationals from winning today. We should also be leaving flaming bags of poop on his doorstep, mocking his sexual orientation because of his long hair, and spoiling the surprise that Santa doesn’t exist. That’ll show him.

Hey guys, just got back to write this post and I see that my brother filled in the shame of the game already. Let’s see what he said. Uh huh. Uh huh. Ha, yeah, I…what? no. no no no. NOOOOOOOOOO. SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!

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For the second straight Nationals-Phillies series, the Phillies won the finale after losing the first two games. In both of these games, Hamels has pitched 8 innings in a winning effort. It’s become perfectly clear that the Nationals can handle the Phillies except when Cole Hamels is pitching. We need to formulate a better strategy against him. We need to look at tape, study his pitches, and really come to a conclusion on the best way to beat him. I have done just this and might I recommend what I think would be the best strategy for taking on Cole Hamels. Break his legs so we don’t have to play him. I know that players aren’t as willing to resort to violence as they once were. But scary physical experiences have been a part of this game forever. Grabbing and throwing old men. Kicking people in the face. Jose Offerman doing anything. Breaking Cole Hamels’ legs would fit right in! It’s just vintage baseball.

It was a strange day in the life of Jesus Flores. Being one for performing miracles, Jesus tripled. I thought to myself, wow! A catcher getting a triple? If we can have that kind of speedy production out of the catcher spot then maybe losing Ramos won’t be so bad. Then Flores tried stealing a base and failed, reminding me that catchers can’t do things like that. Yet it was still nice to see that miraculous triple. Jesus always reminds us why we believe in andĀ follow him. All 13,500 of us.

The Nats have an off day and then open up a series in Atlanta on friday night. It’ll be a battle between the top two teams in the division, although I expect Washington to come out and beat the Braves. Although we really should’ve savedĀ Jackson for this series. Abusing them is kind of his bread and butter.

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