Tag Archives: Jason Bay

Dormant Life: R.A. Shuts Down Nats’ Party

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Roger Bernadina is really dedicated about playing tag. (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Final Score: Mets 9, Nationals 5.

Dame of the Game:

Drew Storen: 1 IP, 0 H, 0 BB, 0 R. Storen came back and was thrown right into the fire and he did not disappoint. Only the fire had been reduced to a handful of small embers by that point, and nobody was really fighting it anymore. So really the only way he could’ve disappointed would have probably been by actually setting the stadium on fire.

Shame of the Game:

Gio Gonzalez: Loss, 3.1 IP, 6 H, 3 BB, 6 ER, 2 K. Gio is not the rock he once was, having clearly experienced severe erosion. We have to prevent this from happening anymore. No more pitching on rainy or windy days, and let’s get working on having Gonzalez declared a National Park for more protection. If only we had a geyser like Raul Ibanez National Park to really sell them:

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It rivals Yellowstone’s.

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Superstitions are a big part of baseball. Some are unique to baseball like not stepping on the foul line, not talking to a pitcher when he’s throwing a no-hitter, and not high-fiving John Lackey. Actually that last one is more common sense, I think he picks his nose. But one of the biggest superstitions around is the unluckiness of the number 13. This number has proven to be a bit unlucky for both pitchers from Thursday’s matchup, who have encountered trouble in getting their 13th win. Dickey finally achieved it by beating Gonzalez, after weeks of failing to raise his hand when asked “Who wants their 13th win?” Having no UCL certainly has its negatives.

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Live Free or Clipp Hard: Nats Survive Closer’s Explosion

Tyler Clippard, just after nearly blowing the game and just before ultimately not blowing it. Also, the top of someone’s cap.

Final Score: Nationals 4, Mets 3

Dame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann: 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 H, 4 K. Video of Jordan Zimmermann speeding along mountain roads in a sports car, running down Mets batters on every curve. Cut to: young boy turns to the camera, whispers “Zimm Zimm.”

Shame of the Game:

Tyler Clippard: 1 IP, 2 ER, 2 HR, 2 H, 3 K, Save. The beauty of the save statistic is that it’s possible to give up two home runs in the only inning you pitch and still receive one. And by “beauty of” I mean “reason why no one should ever care about.”

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Ah, the joys of seeing the Nats win in person. Being so close to Michael Morse that you can practically taste his grease. Being so close to Jason Bay that you can practically taste his disappointment in the way his life turned out. What a thrill.

It didn’t occur to me at the time, but in retrospect I shouldn’t have bothered to come to the game until Jordan Zimmermann was out of it, since it was obvious neither his opponents nor his supposed supporters were going to score before then.

Sometime in the first 5 1/2 innings of inevitably uneventful baseball.

Even when the first 2/3 of a Nationals game are essentially predetermined by Jordan Zimmermann’s effectiveness and his offense’s hatred for him, there is always one good reason to be in Nationals Park around the middle of the game: the running of the presidents. And last night’s race was perhaps the best I’ve ever personally experienced. Continue reading

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Mets Err, No Caution on Side: Hefner’s Play, Boy, Not Good Enough to Top Nats

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It took a little while for Jason Bay to remember what those flying white circles were. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Mets 3.

Dame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-3, 1 R, 1 HR, 4 RBI, 1 BB. The only National to crack the top 5 in all star balloting, failed to crack the top 5 reasons why the Mets lost (they were all Mets players). But he still did good.

Shame of the Game:

Daniel Murphy: 0-4, 2 E. After last night’s game, Jordany Valdespin sat in his locker crying. Murphy approached him and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“What’s going on, Jordany?” asked Daniel.

“Daniel, I cost us the game with my two errors!’ replied Jordany.

“So why are you crying?”

“Because I finally have proven that I am a Met!”

Having never seen somebody that happy before, Daniel decided to be like Jordany and commit 2 errors today, once again greatly limiting the Mets chances to win. It was a thrilling day for Murphy, who after months of being a mediocre player too good for this New York team, finally solidified his spot as a New York Met.

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There was no lead to blow last night for the New York Mets. From the first inning on the Nationals were in front, nearly blowing the game twice themselves but ultimately remembering that is not the goal. The Nationals at times tried to do their best Mets impression, committing two errors themselves on the night. But in the end, this team is a whole different team from the Mets; it’s a team that knows how to get the job done. We’ve historically been so different from the Mets that it’s silly to even think we’d blow the game so easily. We don’t have a history of terrible failure. Oh wait, we do. Well, we don’t have an overpaid underperforming outfielder plagued by injuries. Oh wait, we do. Well, we make the playoffs often. Oh wait, we don’t. Oh no…have we been…like the Mets before? Ew. Ew ew ew. I need to go take a shower to wash off this horrible feeling.

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Hanson MMMTops Nats in Series Finale

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“Mike Morse, caught in an intimate moment.” (Photo by Jonathan Ernst/Getty Images)

Final Score: Braves 3, Nationals 2.

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-3, 1 BB, 1 2B, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. I was really hoping that Harper’s performance would ferry us to a victory. Just to be clear, we do pay Harper, even if it is an amount much below what he deserves. So please, no raids.

Shame of the Game:

Michael Morse: 0-4. For the second straight day, you turn in an 0-4 performance. No wonder our marriage is falling apart.

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There’s nothing that energizes a team offensively like a leadoff home run. There’s nothing that energizes a team even more like back-to-back leadoff home runs. But how are we supposed to sustain this energy if our Gio-Thermal sources are all dried up? Today the Nationals showed power early, but clearly the Braves are in cahoots with the pro-coal lobby since they stopped us, and America, from enjoying the renewable energy that we deserve. Well I for one am sick of this ignorant view on energy. We need to make sure the Braves know that what they’re doing is not ok. Your voice needs to be heard, and I feel there’s no better way to do that than to vote in the right people, instead of the Braves. So when you fill out your all star ballot, make sure you vote for the people who believe in Gio-Thermal energy. Vote Nationals.

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Nationals Sign Mike Gonzalez

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A young autograph seeker reluctantly gives Gonzalez her ball and pen. The ball was found in the trash not long after.

The Nationals have signed lefty reliever Mike Gonzalez to a minor league deal. A former Topps All-Star Rookie LHP, Gonzalez will surely be of great use for the Nationals. Just look at some of the other Topps All-Star Rookies from 2004, all of whom are so good now. Khalil Greene, Jason Bay, Terrmel Sledge AND Daniel Cabrera! I don’t understand why Gonzalez was still available.

This provides another lefty arm that can come out of the bullpen, and the first lefty arm that belongs to a man who isn’t grotesque. I look forward to his minimal contributions, if he has any at all.

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Walk the Line (Down to First): Mets Walking Ten Helps Nats Win Again

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I took this photo. Yes, I am a professional.

Final Score: Nationals 4, Mets 0.

Dame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: 6 IP, 2 H, 3 BB, 0 R, 9 K. Strasburg had his way with the Mets today, resulting in a coincidentally funny .69 ERA on the season. He threw 100+ pitches for the first time in his major league career, resulting in a not so coincidentally funny 190 pitches on the season.

Shame of the Game:

Danny Espinosa: 1 failure to convert a double play by not throwing the ball, 1 failure to convert a double play by throwing the ball away, and 1 failed effort to catch a ball in centerfield while going backwards that he had no business going after. I could’ve said the Mets bullpen was the shame of the game, and it probably did cause more damage than Espinosa. But Danny really showed impressive incompetence out there. He got on base 3 times, but what does getting on base matter when you fuck up everything else you do? Hmm, actually I would guess a lot. Otherwise how would Nick Johnson have a job?

I represented The Zimmerman(n) Telegram at today’s game, as I made the trek out to Citi Field to see the Nats play for the first time this season. They wouldn’t give me a press pass, but I still had a good location where I could really get inside information about the players:

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See?

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