Jason Motte used his World Series bonus to buy himself larger cheeks.
There are many things of which there are none in baseball. There is no crying in baseball. There is no clock in baseball. There are no women in baseball. There are no Arabs in baseball. There is no nudity in baseball, sadly. But perhaps the most important axiom in baseball–nay, in the entire English language–nay, in the history of communication–is that there are no ties in baseball.
Yet in the baseball game that took place today between the Nationals and the Cardinals, the outcome was a tie.* How did this happen? Was it because it was just a spring training game and no one cared who won? Or was it because this was a game between two teams that had reached the absolute pinnacle of baseball ability such that their perfected talents would eternally cancel each other out and prevent the game from ever being resolved? The answer is yes. Both of these. For when Carlos Maldonado hit a two-run homer off Lance Lynn to tie the game at 3 with no outs in the bottom of the ninth, everyone watching knew: this was a game that would not end, could not end, without being stopped short.
*The most notable previous exception to this rule was the 2002 All-Star Game, declared a tie after 11 innings by Commissioner Bud Selig. The occasion was later immortalized in legendary rock band Paulman Berg’s epic ballad, The Night We All Kissed Our Sisters.