Tag Archives: Jews

Ca-raucous Outburst of Offense: Venezuela Takes Spanish Crown Down

Image

Spanish-Venezuelan tensions had cooled in recent years, as President Hugo Chavez and King Juan Carlos had become ballroom dancing partners.

Final Score: Venezuela 11, Spain 6.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Venezuelan Declaration of Independence.

———-

If there’s one thing that pisses off Venezuela it’s, well, there are actually a lot of things that piss of Venezuelans. Let me just scroll through this 48-page Word document I have to make sure the one I wanted is there… George W. Bush, no… Jews? Really? I didn’t know that, but no… Ah, yes. Here it is. Spain.

Spain once controlled the area that is now Venezuela, and treated them quite poorly. After many years of oppression, the Venezuelans said enough is enough, which is coincidentally what Miguel Cabrera often tells Prince Fielder as to ensure some of the pre-game buffet remains for other players.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Well, This Sucks (Nationals Sign Rafael Soriano)

Image

Attempts to drown Soriano in the past have failed, sadly.

I hate Rafael Soriano.

I absolutely despise him.

This isn’t the joke kind of hatred I had for Sean Burnett at times, or the dislike coupled with sadness that God would do that to a person that I had for Tom Gorzelanny. This is legitimate hatred, the first time I’d say I felt this way about a Nationals player.

Soriano is selfish, overrated, and while I can’t be sure of it someone has been calling my house and hanging up when I pick up and it’s probably him so fuck him for that too.

Am I angry at Drew Storen for game 5? Yeah. Do I have issues with trust towards Tyler Clippard? Some, sure. But just cause you’re constipated and having trouble producing at a comfortable level doesn’t mean you have to spend $28 million dollars on cow shit to put in your toilet to make you feel like you did the job you were supposed to.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Nationals Sign Delwyn Young

Image

Pure bliss.

The Nationals have signed Delwyn Young to a minor league contract. Unlike the similar sounding Delmon Young, Delwyn has made no anti-semitic comments that I’m aware of. In the never ending contest between the Youngs, I guess you could consider his less-racist character another Wyn for Delwyn.

EDIT: A loyal reader has reminded me that Delwyn was the man to hit the 2-run HR off Strasburg in Stephen’s debut. I had repressed this memory, but am thankful that I was reminded of it. This is a loss for Delwyn, no doubt. A loss of life. Because I will rip his head off for nearly ruining that beautiful night.

Tagged , , ,

You Mad(don) Bro? Joe Forced to Respect His Elder as Davey Takes Series, Bengay

Image

Joe Maddon insensitively and ignorantly calling out Edwin Jackson and the Nationals for covering their entire bodies in pine tar. (Photo by Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Rays 2.

Dame of the Game:

Ryan Mattheus: .1 IP, 1 K. Out of context, this line is probably one of the least impressive for our dames of the game. But in context, this was a key bases loaded strikeout to preserve a small lead in the 7th inning. I feel bad for Mattheus. For far too long he has been plagued by people not looking at him in the proper context. Some call Mattheus a somewhat odd looking man. But when comparing to some (one) of his teammates, he’s like a flower. A tall, oddly shaped flower. Perhaps a sunflower, with some sort of harmless yet obvious genetic mutation in the gene pool.

Shame of the Game:

Joel Peralta: Loss, 1 IP, 2 H, 2 ER, 1 BB. It seems as if Peralta’s career has begun to pine away and deteriorate. Pitching in his second straight game since being called out for using pine tar, Peralta searched for alternatives, but to no avail. He looked to other forms of tar to help him pitch at the same level, since tar was all he knew. Joel flew in members of the North Carolina Tar Heels basketball team to cheer for him and build up his confidence, but they didn’t work. He insulted a feudal lord to get covered in tar and feathers, but was told it wasn’t Rays ’79 Throwback Night yet (I meant 1379, of course). Lastly he attempted to immerse himself in a tar pit as if to try and gain powers, but ended up being preserved for millions of years in a lifeless state. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

———-

A new rivalry was born in baseball on Tuesday. A rivalry that required much more prune juice for the main participants than any previous rivalry. Over an issue as simple as the materials on a person’s glove, the Rays and Nats developed a quick dislike for one another. And now, with the series completed, it is clear that the Nationals are the better of two teams. Other than the fact they kind of picked on such an easily ignorable and probably unimportant thing, suggesting that they are actually the more petty of the two teams. But I’m ok with being petty, because he’s a talented musician.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Mets Err, No Caution on Side: Hefner’s Play, Boy, Not Good Enough to Top Nats

Image

It took a little while for Jason Bay to remember what those flying white circles were. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Mets 3.

Dame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-3, 1 R, 1 HR, 4 RBI, 1 BB. The only National to crack the top 5 in all star balloting, failed to crack the top 5 reasons why the Mets lost (they were all Mets players). But he still did good.

Shame of the Game:

Daniel Murphy: 0-4, 2 E. After last night’s game, Jordany Valdespin sat in his locker crying. Murphy approached him and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“What’s going on, Jordany?” asked Daniel.

“Daniel, I cost us the game with my two errors!’ replied Jordany.

“So why are you crying?”

“Because I finally have proven that I am a Met!”

Having never seen somebody that happy before, Daniel decided to be like Jordany and commit 2 errors today, once again greatly limiting the Mets chances to win. It was a thrilling day for Murphy, who after months of being a mediocre player too good for this New York team, finally solidified his spot as a New York Met.

———-

There was no lead to blow last night for the New York Mets. From the first inning on the Nationals were in front, nearly blowing the game twice themselves but ultimately remembering that is not the goal. The Nationals at times tried to do their best Mets impression, committing two errors themselves on the night. But in the end, this team is a whole different team from the Mets; it’s a team that knows how to get the job done. We’ve historically been so different from the Mets that it’s silly to even think we’d blow the game so easily. We don’t have a history of terrible failure. Oh wait, we do. Well, we don’t have an overpaid underperforming outfielder plagued by injuries. Oh wait, we do. Well, we make the playoffs often. Oh wait, we don’t. Oh no…have we been…like the Mets before? Ew. Ew ew ew. I need to go take a shower to wash off this horrible feeling.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,