Tag Archives: Jhonatan Solano

Are Our Catchers Horribly Injured? Wilson Ramos Injury Edition

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“I’ll take one injury please.”

Wilson Ramos is injured and going to the DL. It’s time for another edition of “Are Our Catchers Horribly Injured?”

Wilson Ramos: Ramos has a strained left hamstring, but the team believes that he could only miss the minimum amount of time on the DL. Well I believe that JFK was assassinated by a lobster that clamped down on a trigger accidentally, but a lot of people call me crazy for that.

Kurt Suzuki: Suzukis never break down, as long as you maintain them properly. That’s why the team changes Suzuki’s oil every few weeks.

Jhonatan Solano: Solano returns to the team with Ramos going down. He had to be hogtied and carried by a bunch of heavies since he resisted and screamed “Don’t take me back! I like my health! My legs are fine and don’t change it!” But there was no success in resisting.

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Are Our Catchers Horribly Injured? Jhonatan Solano Injury Edition

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Solano and the other Nationals catchers crouch before what we’re assuming to be a firing squad, given their luck.

Jhonatan Solano is injured and likely going to the DL. It’s time for another edition of “Are Our Catchers Horribly Injured?”

Jhonatan Solano: Some call his injury just an oblique strain. Some call his injury a fatal illness. Most call his injury just an oblique strain. Solano will likely be placed on the DL soon, marking his first time hurt this season. It was only a matter of time, peer pressure always gets to you.

Sandy Leon: With Solano’s injury, a rehabbed Sandy Leon will likely return. Leon was hurt horribly in his major league debut but has made his way back. He will however be placed in a giant bubble for protection. Some may call this inconvenient for catching and throwing, but I think it’ll be just like a pitchback.

Wilson Ramos: Wilson underwent successful ACL surgery today. I’m surprised by this. Not that it was successful, but that there was even an ACL left there.

Carlos Maldonado: Maldonado has been making his way back from injury and is playing at AAA. The American Airlines Arena? Ugh, everyone is going to the Heat nowadays.

Jesus Flores: Flores has escaped the injury bug for the time being and remains the Nationals starting backstop. But let’s be honest, being a healthy Nationals catcher is like being born in the 1800s. You probably don’t have much time left.

Keep tuning in to find out if our catchers go down with violent injuries.

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The Nationals at the Break

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This toaster is just like our season; We burnt everyone and we too had the option for frozen, as it applied to our offense at times.

Here we stand at the midway point of the baseball season. Or, if you’re someone like Rich Garces, here we sit. It’s much too tiring to stand up with all that weight. Baseball has reached a point when many people take time to rest and many others take time to analyze each team’s performance to this point. Given I am unemployed and thus have been doing nothing but rest for weeks, I’ll give the latter a shot and look at how the Nationals have done to this point in the season.

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Independence Fray: Nats Launch Fireworks Often, Few See Them Due To Sun

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Gio, pretending like that fart didn’t happen will never work. (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 9, Giants 4.

Dame of the Game:

Ryan Zimmerman: 2-5, 2 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 3 RBI. The Ryan-O proved to be an unstoppable force today. Players like these are an endangered species. I worry that other people in the league will try to kill him and sell his bat on the black market though.

Shame of the Game:

Madison Bumgarner: Loss, 5 IP, 9 H, 1 BB, 7 ER, 7 K. It makes sense that a man who garners bums would make an ass out of himself on the mound today.

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The 4th of July is America’s day. Baseball is America’s game. Washington is America’s city. These three things coming together today could only mean one thing. That thing of course is that the baseball schedule lined up to have a Nationals home game on July 4th. It’s a pretty simple explanation. But still, the Nationals celebrated America’s birthday with a win. They really cooked the Giants, much like a 4th of July BBQ. The game went as easy as a picnic…a 4th of July picnic. The Nationals beat a bunch of immigrants who play for the Giants, much like Will Smith beating a bunch of aliens during an Independence Day invasion. Thus today’s game encapsulated everything America stands for. Food, food, and making life difficult for aliens. God bless America.

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Chien Up: Wang Controls Balls Well and Squeezes Out A Satisfying Result

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Clippard had a bit of a hard time understanding how to play Rock, Paper, Scissors. (Photo by Brad White/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Blue Jays 2.

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 3-4, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Bryce has come into Canada strong by going 6-8 so far in this series, and blowing everyone away. Upon first arriving in Toronto, he remarked that it was kind of the city to erect a giant space needle to represent his manhood, although claimed it was a bit on the small side. Perhaps his quality performance to this point has excited it enough for it to grow another 3 or 4 stories.

Shame of the Game:

Edwin Encarnacion: 0-4, 1 K. Edwin hasn’t produced out of a crucial part of the lineup in these two games against the Nationals. I think we’re exposing him for the poor player he actually is. I knew his torrid pace to start the season couldn’t keep going. He couldn’t keep seeing the ball that well; we all know people in his family don’t have good eyes.

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Playing on turf is tough for most players. The ball does weird things, it’s bad for your legs, it’s disliked by many players. But the Nationals have been playing so successfully the first two games of the series that they clearly like it. Well little do people know, the Nationals have tremendous seasonal allergies, and being inside an artificial dome is what they have dreamed about for years. They can finally stop having watery eyes, except for the ones caused by tears after seeing Davey put Espinosa back in the leadoff spot. They can finally have clean nasal passages, except when Ian Desmond accidentally sticks marbles up there thinking it would be a cool prank to play.

Toronto is really an allergic person’s paradise, and the Nationals have been thriving. Steps have already been taken, after seeing this success, to rid Nationals Park of all allergens. The field will be torn up, the stadium will be enclosed in a giant bag, all food will be thrown out, all fans will not be allowed to bring in fabrics and will have to come naked, and rubber gloves will have to be worn by all players. I can just imagine it now, two teams of naked men in rubber gloves performing in near darkness in front of thousands of also naked people. That’s how baseball was meant to be played.

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Are Our Catchers Horribly Injured? Carlos Maldonado Injury Edition

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In deep thought about how to get injured if he ended up on the Nationals.

Carlos Maldonado is injured and going to the DL. It’s time for another edition of “Are Our Catchers Horribly Injured?”

Jesus Flores: He seems healthy, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s dead as we speak.

Carlos Maldonado: Apparently it’s nothing too bad. I think that’s what doctors say when cancerous patients come to them to get checked for just a head cold.

Jhonatan Solano: The only Nationals catcher to escape injury so far this season. You know what they say about injury, though. If you’re a Nationals catcher, you will get injured. It’s not a graceful saying or anything, it’s true though.

Keep tuning in to find out if our catchers go down with violent injuries.

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Are Our Catchers Horribly Injured?

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Happy he escaped.

It’s time for a new segment here where we look at the catchers on the active roster and tell you if they’ve been horribly injured.

Jesus Flores: Not horribly, no.

Carlos Maldonado: Not yet.

Jhonatan Solano: Soon, probably.

Keep tuning in to find out if our catchers go down with violent injuries.

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Pick Awful: Jackson’s Bad Bait Lets Marlins Swim to Victory

Bryce Harper taunted Marlins fans by striking a Captain Morgan pose and holding it for a full half inning. (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)

Final Score: Marlins 3, Nationals 1

Dame of the Game:

Jhonatan Solano: 1-1, 2B. Solano doubled in his first major league at-bat. It is now too late for him to correct the spelling of his first name before officially entering the baseball record books, which is sad for him and the people who read baseball’s record books. So I guess the total negative impact of this event on the happiness of humanity will actually be pretty minimal.

Shame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 1-4, 3B, 2K. Harper chose his timing as poorly as he chooses his hairstyles, as he crushed a triple with no one on and two outs before striking out pathetically with the bases loaded and one out his next at bat.

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There’s nothing quite so frustrating as failing catastrophically at something you didn’t even have to do. Did you work overtime to start a new project at work that lead your company to bankruptcy? Did you give a compltetely healthy man brain surgery and accidentally kill him? Did you run a nuclear bomb safety drill so real that you actually set off a nuclear bomb, wiping out an entire city? Then perhaps you have some empathy for Edwin Jackson, whose superfluous pickoff attempt in the 7th inning resulted in a two base error and the eventual winning run for the Marlins, spoiling his otherwise great start. I can empathize with him because one time in little league I tried to pick someone off third but ended up throwing the ball past the third baseman and into a gutter. Years later I am only now beginning to recover from the emotional trauma. Edwin, if you ever need anyone to talk to about this, I’m here for you.

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Three Catchers? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!

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DOES THIS MAN EXCITE YOU AS MUCH AS HE EXCITES ME?!

There are three things that get me AMPED UP!

1. Meth.

2. Spongebob.

3. HAVING THREE FUCKING CATCHERS ON MY TEAM.

The Nationals sent down versatile and capable Tyler Moore for JHONATAN “FACE MELTER” SOLANO after today’s game. With Flores’ injury, the Nats claim they’re just playing it safe, bringing up someone to backup Maldonado for now. But I know what they’re doing. They’re going with the old deadball era strategy of having three guys at the same position, none of whom can touch a .700 OPS. Johnson is used to this style, having played the middle of his career during that era I think. I can’t wait.

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2012 Nationals Player Profile: Jhonatan Solano

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No, not Jonathan Solano (above).

As the player profiles have continued over the course of spring training, I know everyone has been waiting to read the profile of Jonathan Solano.

Well this won’t be it, but will instead focus on the strangely named Jhonatan Solano, who continues a long line of misnamed Jonathans in baseball. Continue reading

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