Tag Archives: Joey Votto

Fight and Flight: Teams MEX It Up As Mexico CAN Do Nothing to Avoid Elimination


Hitman baseball player finds no joy in his job.

Final Score: Canada 10, Mexico 3.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Both countries being made fun of by the United States a lot.


Canada and Mexico are a lot alike. They have close relations with the United States, and for the purpose of this story I will not waste your time with longer lists and trying to come up with jokes but rather will get straight to the point which is based in the fact that they are both of close proximity with the U.S.A.

Oh, they also both speak funny sounding languages.

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Symphony in M. Minor: Braves Outplay Nats Despite Flat Starting Pitcher

No one likes to sit near David Ross cause he looks like he’d kill anyone who tried. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

Final Score: Braves 7, Nationals 5

Dame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-3, 2 2B, 2 R, RBI, 2 BB, K. Deck the halls with Adam LaRoche. Fa la la la la, la la LaRoche.

Shame of the Game:

Chien-Ming Wang: 2 IP, 4 ER, 5 H. Stephen Strasburg left the game due to heat stroke. I hope Chien-Ming Wang left the game due to normal stroke.


So apparently it was really hot in Atlanta. I wouldn’t know, being in DC, where it was just slightly less really hot. Of course, I stayed within the friendly confines of very-much-conditioned air, oblivious to the maelstrom of flame that no doubt would have greeted me had I set a foot outside my door. As such, I have NO SYMPATHY whatsoever for Stephen Strasburg, who departed after three innings due to “heat exhaustion.” His untimely exit led to two innings of quintessentially latter-day Wangian baseball, by which I mean Chien-Ming Wang gave up a lot of runs.

Clearly we need to toughen Strasburg up. This is the second time this year that he’s left a game because part or all of him was too hot–first the groin, then the whole country (sounds like a strange call to revolution). How should we go about the toughening? To prepare him for the former problem, I’m sure there are some CIA people the Nats can call up to give Strasburg a quick lesson on the finer points of genital-based interrogation. As for the entire-body heat issue, perhaps forcing him to go to work for a few sweltering days in a full suit and tie, like everyone else in DC, would do the trick. If not, there’s always boiling oil. Let the Nats trainers know about these great ideas if you see them. Continue reading

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Red Alert: Joey Votto Exists: Nats’ Bats Less than Votto’s as Reds Take Finale


Before today’s game, Adam LaRoche realizes that the cock shots he sent to a fan were a bad idea. (Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images)

Final Score: Reds 9, Nationals 6.

Dame of the Game:

Danny Espinosa: 2-4, 1 R, 1 2B, 2 RBI, 1 BB, 1 K. How sad does Danny winning this make you? This sad? I thought so.

Shame of the Game:

Henry Rodriguez: Loss, Blown save, .2 IP, 2 H, 2 BB, 4 ER. Oh, Henry. That wasn’t pretty. Tonight, Joey Votto took advantage and made you look like a fool. At least it wasn’t the most embarrassing instance of Joey for National. The National Broadcasting Company made this mistake with Joey years ago. Will we ever learn?

Nearly 4 hours. That’s how long I had to wait to see the Nationals play a baseball game today. Nearly 8 hours. That’s how long I had to wait to see the Nationals lose a baseball game today. You know what I could’ve done in this time? I could’ve painted a picture. I could’ve eaten lunch. I could’ve…I was going to say more but it took me nearly 8 hours to come up with those first two. I haven’t been this upset about waiting so long to see a Nationals success story only to be disappointed since 2005-2011.

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Voorhees a Jolly Good Fellow: Jayson Slays Reds in 13th, on 13th


Votto pleaded with LaRoche to give him another chance. But Adam knows better.

Final Score: Nationals 2, Reds 1 (13 innings).

Dame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann: 7 IP, 3 H, 2 BB, 1 ER, 3 K. Another strong showing from Zimmermann, another pathetic offensive backing that fails to get him the win. It’s not like Jordan needs Amman-ster day from his offense. Come on!

Shame of the Game:

Sean Marshall: The Loss, .1 IP, 2 H, 2 BB, 1 ER. None of the Reds messed up too bad today, but Marshall was certainly the worst. I imagine that in the post game interviews that the Reds will all share the blame for the loss. That’s their ideology.

What a game. I don’t know how to describe it. In that I’ve begun writing this before it’s actually gone final.

Oh, there we go.

What a great game! The Nats are riding high after two walkoff wins to open their ballpark this season. Disclaimer: Riding high is fine when someone sober is driving. It was a fantastic pitching effort yet again for Washington, with a not so fantastic offensive effort. Odd at how that works out, since in sexual culture the pitcher is the more offensive force. I guess the Washington Nationals are a completely misinformed organization when it comes to sex. Fair, it must be hard to get a woman, or even a model of a vagina near that clubhouse while Gorzelanny’s in it.

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