Tag Archives: John Kruk

Well That’s Good: As Nationals Clinch, Sphincters Unclench

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Both Hanley and Jayson realize that this was a bad time for Hanley to try and let out a stealthy fart. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Dodgers 1.

Dame of the Game:

Chris Capuano: For throwing the wild pitch that gave us the lead that gave us a playoff spot. Thank you, for that historic moment in franchise history. It’s up there with other moments of incompetence, like when the Nats won their first game ever thanks to the other team forgetting to wear pants and having to forfeit.

Shame of the Game:

Matt Kemp: Not for his performance tonight, but for his HR yesterday. You jerk, making us wait a whole extra day to experience this tremendous feeling of happiness. You’re like my wife. Only she makes me wait a bit longer to experience such happiness. It’s been almost as long as the Washington postseason drought…

———-

The Nationals are headed to the playoffs.¬†While this man might be shocked to hear it, we are not kidding him. For the first time in this team’s history, they will get a taste of postseason baseball. Which kind of tastes gross and sweaty, after all the time Tommy LaSorda spent stewing away in it. They have still yet to clinch the division, as their magic number is 8. A truly magical number, considering how much it looks like boobs. But for now, let’s enjoy the fact that this team has made the postseason at all. Knowing that on October 5th, the Nationals will still be playing baseball is a great feeling. And knowing that it could all be over 5 days later is a miserable feeling. I know I shouldn’t be a pessimist, but after seeing things like John Kruk exist, it’s hard to think that the world can give us inspiring, beautiful things anymore.

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Harry Reid Quotes Bryce Harper in Press Conference

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A meeting of two of the most influential men in Washington. Interrupted by Harry Reid. (Not shown is Barack Obama having been thrown to the ground so Reid could smell Harper more closely).

While speaking to reporters on Tuesday, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid replied to a question in a way that Bryce Harper recently made famous. Either in response to a silly inquiry by a normal man or a normal inquiry by a man with a big red nose and makeup (I’m not sure which), Reid replied, “I don’t want to answer that question, that’s a clown question, bro.” The reply by Reid drew laughs from the crowd, but attacks from the Clown Anti-Defamation League who are sick of these attacks from these men. “So what if they’re clown questions? They still deserve the same rights as other questions, especially the right to be answered!” said clown civil rights leader Martin Luther *Honk Honk*, Jr.

Reid has expressed his fandom of the fellow Nevada-born Harper in the past. But he is not the first senator to quote a favorite baseball player and fellow state citizen. Below or some examples of past instances.

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