Tag Archives: Jose Reyes

Once, Twice, Three Times a Loser: Puerto Rico Cedes WBC to Dominicans, Surprising Nobody

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It turned out to be far too late to get out of the way of the seagull poop.

Final Score: Dominican Republic 3, Puerto Rico 0.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The 2013 World Baseball Classic.

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There are two types of people who don’t like the World Baseball Classic. People who don’t smile, and comedy blog writers who are creating posts that parallel historic events between nations. We fall more into the latter, although I’ve had trouble raising the corners of my mouth since Game 5.

The WBC Final was a matchup between the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico, two teams who had already met twice before in this tournament. We had already run thin on metaphors given the surprisingly limited series of conflicts between the two nearby islands, exaggerating some unwanted immigration for the first matchup and then basically fabricating a battle over tourism for the 2nd DR-PR meeting. So for the third and final all-Caribbean faceoff we had to think outside the box. And we thought so outside the box that we came all the way back inside the box.

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Santo Sabado: Saturday’s Game Enlightens Us All About Semifinal Seeding

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The players find it hilarious that all of Jose Reyes’s teeth fell out. But how will he chew? Not so funny when you consider that issue.

Final Score: Dominican Republic 2, Puerto Rico 0.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The tourism battle between the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico.

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When you’re thinking of a nice Caribbean vacation, you’d probably consider going to either the Dominican Republic or Puerto Rico. Just like baseball. When you’re thinking of good baseball, you’d probably consider either the Dominican Republic or the USA. I mean Puerto Rico, which is kind of the USA anyway.

The Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico are the two most visited vacation destinations in the Caribbean. Source: Wikipedia said that in a sentence and fact checking is boring, so lets go with it. Puerto Rico has historically been on top, but the Dominican surely wants to be recognized as number one. I’m surprised they aren’t already, as Jose Lima’s gravesite should be a pilgrimage for any baseball fan from the 90s, much like Mecca.

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Drawing Stras: Short One Means Tall Pitcher, Marlins Get It

It lingered. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Marlins 1

Dame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 H, BB, 6 K; 1-2, 2 RBI, R. Strasburg’s continued offensive success has gone from being humorous to being a statistical anomaly to being downright unsettling, in a creepy, paranormal activity kind of way. The mere fact that he’s hitting .343 in August makes me more likely to believe in ghosts.

Shame of the Game:

Justin Ruggiano: 0-4, 2K. Serves him right for continuing to have a better OPS than Stephen Strasburg. The nerve!

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Ah, to be young and Stephen Strasburg. To feel impervious to death, to feel like nothing can hurt you, no matter what you do. For most young people who think this, they are dangerously wrong. But for Stephen Strasburg, he’s pretty much right, dangerously so for everyone else in his way. The Marlins tried to stand in his way Sunday, or at least near his way. Then they lost. The Marlins are also young, but unlike Strasburg, they are actually mortal.

The one offensive bright spot for the Marlins was Jose Reyes, who was able to extend his hitting streak to 24 games despite facing someone who’s probably doesn’t even operate on his same plane of existence. Reyes doesn’t have have the greatest grasp of the subtleties of the English language, however, so when he was informed that he was on a “hitting streak” he immediately disrobed and ran around slapping everyone in sight.

Drew Storen earned his first save of the season with a scoreless 9th inning. It seems that Davey Johnson is now alternating closing duties between Clippard and Storen, which makes any Tippeca-Drew and Tyler Too 8th and 9th inning combination unlikely. It’s fine to keep this closer primary going for a while, but eventually a nominee needs to be chosen. They’ll inevitably end up being on the same ticket eventually–at some point the Nationals party just needs pick one for the top spot, lest Natstown be rent in twain by a nasty primary process.

The whole team needs to come together and keep their eyes on the real prize. The Rolaids Relief Man award, of course.

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The Franchise Suffers Low Ratings: MLB Network Stars Nationally Shown Up

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Tattletale. (AP Photo/J Pat Carter)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Marlins 1.

Dame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann: Win, 6 IP, 4 H, 1 BB, 0 R, 6 K. Zimmermann pitched a game that even if his teammates gave him the zero run support he expected, he couldn’t lose. They realized this and let Jordan have this game. They combined to mercilessly destroy him however in the postgame tug-of-war match.

Shame of the Game:

Jose Reyes & Hanley Ramirez: Talking too much. Jose and Hanley spent a bit too much time chatting one another up, and were distracted while Bryce Harper stole third base. Serves Jose right for being such a gossip. You promised you wouldn’t tell Omar Infante that I had a crush on him!

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Baseball is back. After 2 days of no activity, and 4 days of no real important baseball, the Nationals finally played a game again. It had felt like forever since we last saw this team on a baseball field, but in reality it was only a brief period of time. Well despite the direction the team was going in before the break, I’m excited to see people like John Patterson and Tony Armas Jr. continue to develop.

What do you mean it’s 2012? No, it’s 2006. Uh oh, I must have taken a bit too many sleeping pills to get past the 2006 All-Star Break…

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Independence Fray: Nats Launch Fireworks Often, Few See Them Due To Sun

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Gio, pretending like that fart didn’t happen will never work. (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 9, Giants 4.

Dame of the Game:

Ryan Zimmerman: 2-5, 2 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 3 RBI. The Ryan-O proved to be an unstoppable force today. Players like these are an endangered species. I worry that other people in the league will try to kill him and sell his bat on the black market though.

Shame of the Game:

Madison Bumgarner: Loss, 5 IP, 9 H, 1 BB, 7 ER, 7 K. It makes sense that a man who garners bums would make an ass out of himself on the mound today.

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The 4th of July is America’s day. Baseball is America’s game. Washington is America’s city. These three things coming together today could only mean one thing. That thing of course is that the baseball schedule lined up to have a Nationals home game on July 4th. It’s a pretty simple explanation. But still, the Nationals celebrated America’s birthday with a win. They really cooked the Giants, much like a 4th of July BBQ. The game went as easy as a picnic…a 4th of July picnic. The Nationals beat a bunch of immigrants who play for the Giants, much like Will Smith beating a bunch of aliens during an Independence Day invasion. Thus today’s game encapsulated everything America stands for. Food, food, and making life difficult for aliens. God bless America.

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