Tag Archives: loneliness

The Ghost of Haren-hal: Formerly Good Pitcher Assassinates Nats’ Chances of Sweep

Game 1:

Jordan Zimmermann knows that in Kurt Suzuki's embrace, he will find a new definition of pain and suffering as he is slowly hugged to death over a thousand years.

Jordan Zimmermann knows that in Kurt Suzuki’s embrace, he will find a new definition of pain and suffering as he is slowly hugged to death over a thousand years.

Nationals 10, Marlins 3

This game was as it should be. The Nationals played the Marlins. The Nationals beat the Marlins, by a lot. The world was in harmony; children laughed and played and there were no sad people at all except for Marlins fans, so there were no sad people.

The end. Continue reading

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To Each According to His Ability: Cuba Refuses to Share With China in Shutout

Fidel Castro comes out of retirement and near-death to lead the Cuban squad to victory.

Fidel Castro comes out of retirement and near-death to lead the Cuban squad to victory

Final Score: Cuba 12, China 0

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The diplomatic feud between Castro and Mao in 1965-66

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You would think that Cuba and China would be the best of friends. They’re both Communist. They’re both, uh…well okay, that’s their only similarity. But still, it’s a pretty big one.

Well, you would think¬†wrong. Sure, they got along well enough at first, after the Cuban revolution in 1959. But the commu-honeymoon didn’t last for long. Fidel Castro started trying to reconcile the People’s Republic of China and the Soviet Union after Nikita Kruschev was deposed, but China was having none of it. After a few failed attempts at diplomacy in Beijing, Castro started calling China some mean names and accusing China of spreading some mean anti-Cuba propaganda. Relations grew increasingly frigid, culminating in the collapse of economic negotiations in 1966.

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With Little Help From My “Friends”: Zimmermann Gets By Despite No Support

This impromptu game of Patty Cake between Henry Rodriguez and Jesus Flores really disrupted the drama of the bottom of the 9th.

Dame of the Game: Jordan Zimmermann: 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 H, 1 BB, 9 K. One day Zimmermann’s collection of 7 innings, 1 run performances is going to be worth a lot of money, assuming his parents don’t throw it out.

Shame of the Game: Bryce Harper: 0-4, K, 5 LOB. It is a time-honored baseball tradition that the best way to break a slump is to hit yourself in the face with a bat. Surprisingly, this did not work for Bryce Harper.

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For one inning, Jordan Zimmermann thought he had a friend on the Nationals. Someone who didn’t hate him so much that he would deprive him of any run support and the chance to get a win. Wilson Ramos, Jordan’s catcher, hit a home run in the top of the 5th to support his pitcher. Jordan couldn’t wait to run home to his parents and tell them that he made a new friend. No sooner had Jordan walked to the mound feeling for the first time a sense of being liked than his new friend tore his ACL. The moral of the story is clear: no one one should ever befriend Jordan Zimmermann or else you’ll get horribly injured.¬† Continue reading

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