You know what they say. Give up a home run, grab your penis. (Photo by Brad White/Getty Images)
Final Score: Nationals 6, Blue Jays 3.
Dame of the Game:
Edwin Jackson: Win, 8 IP, 4 H, 3 BB, 2 ER, 3 K. Jackson finally won a road game, his first one as a National. Before each away game to this point, Jackson had confusedly asked “Where am I?” never bothering to look at a map or listen. While the team had told him the truth until this point, they brought a “Welcome Home” banner and hung it in the clubhouse on this trip. Jackson was ecstatic to be in what he believed was his home, but devastated that his microwave was nowhere to be found. Jackson is not very bright.
Shame of the Game:
Brandon Morrow: Loss, 0 IP, 1 H, 1 ER, 1 Injury. Morrow left the game early with a strained side. Maybe next time he shouldn’t order the peas and carrots.
The Nationals were riding high going into Toronto, in part because of their sweep of the Red Sox, but also because of Canada’s more lenient marijuana laws. This was a big moment for the nation’s team to show Canada that America means business, and they did just that in some very American ways. LaRoche and Ankiel launched bombs, Jackson fired bullets, and Sean Burnett ate so many Big Macs that his performance in the 9th was filled with shit. But in the end the Nationals came out on top of Canada just like America has in every way ever. Except geography. And social health programs. And human rights. And… you know what, fuck that. AMERICA!