Tag Archives: math

Ross the Dross: Nats Remain Short of Division Title with Addition of Bad Pitching


I’m fine with Kurt Suzuki having a foot fetish, but I’d rather he keep it private. (AP Photo/Jeff Roberson)

Final Score: Cardinals 10, Nationals 4.

Dame of the Game:

Craig Stammen: .1 IP, 0 H, 0 BB, 0 R. Good job relieving Wang. Not many people on this team are willing to help out other guys by doing that, most of them are more interested in girls.

Shame of the Game:

Ross Detwiler: Loss, 2.1 IP, 4 H, 5 BB, 7 R (3 ER), 3 K. A Missouri native, Ross was certainly excited about starting his home state. Sadly he was so excited that he was finished way too early.


*Bell ringing*

Teacher: Alright class, now take your seats. I heard you’ve been having a little bit of trouble becoming division champs, so I was asked by Mike Rizzo to teach you some math. Now I know what some of you are saying. What does being good at division have to do with winning your division? Well, they involve the same word. And that’s how English works, right? I don’t know, I’m a math teacher. Let’s begin. We’ll start with attendance. Jayson?

Werth: Here.

Teacher: Hi Jayson, nice to meet you. Gio?

Gio: Here.

Teacher: Nice to meet you as well, Gio. Tom?

Gorzelanny: Here.

Turning head towards Tom.

Teacher: Hi Tom, it’s great t-AHHHHHH! WHAT IS THAT? Ok, um, let’s just skip introductions and move onto the division.

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Astro-Naught: Washington Doesn’t Give Houston Anything Anymore


Wandy Rodriguez forgets how to do the YMCA.

Final Score: Nationals 1, Astros 0.

Dame of the Game:

Gio Gonzalez: W, 7 IP, 2 H, 2 BB, 8 K, 0 R. With Washington’s choice to no longer support the space program, Giology is being given millions of dollars to further advances in that industry. Many of the findings to this point have thrilled Washington, but upset the rest of the country. I expect Gio Gonzalez to be at the head of Romney’s veep vetting. I always expected Mitt to be a baseball fan given his name. Willard.

Shame of the Game:

Brad Lidge: S, 1 IP, 1 H, 1 BB. The stats don’t show how bad Lidge was. A double, a four pitch walk, throwing strikes down the middle that he got lucky on. Lidge has gotten away with murder in his save opportunities. Clearly he models himself after Ugueth Urbina.

On a day when a space shuttle was retired, many baseball players who play for a team with a name that kind of relates to space were also retired. Both had launched things into the atmosphere in the past, but now the shuttles and the Astros have worked long past their usefulness, and no longer positively contribute to their industries. I can only assume that come the end of this series in Washington, the Houston team will be paraded around in the sky one last time as the many adoring fan cheers them on, and then be placed in a museum for all to gawk at.

The museum will not be a popular one.

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