Tag Archives: mercenaries

Cubbed to Death: Nats Savagely Beat Chicago With Baseball Bats

The secret to Gio’s success: a diet of only towels.

Final Score: Nationals 9, Cubs 1

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-3, 2 HR, 2 R, 2 RBI, 2 BB. Lotta twos on that line, and only the good kind. Bryce Harper is 2 GOOD 2 BE 2RUE.

Shame of the Game:

Kurt Suzuki, Michael Morse, and Jayson Werth: 0 HR last two games. C’mon, guys. You were invited to a home run party and you didn’t bring any home runs. Rude!

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It takes a big man to admit that he’s wrong. I’m a pretty normal-sized man though, so I won’t. But I do believe that it’s my obligation as a Responsible Journalist to point out that two days ago, I wrote that the Nats offense was bad, bad at the very essence of its being. In the two games since I made that statement, the Nats offense has hit exactly 12 home runs. That is not bad. That is actually fairly ridiculously good.

Who are these guys, the Yankees? God I hope not. Continue reading

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